by Pastor Dunkin, ©2026
(Feb. 20, 2026) — “One Fine Day” (2:12)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. We’ve a new series called ‘Unusual Occupations’ that we hope you’ll enjoy. First up is Mr. Boris Popov. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ Mr. Popov.”
“We watch you in the old country and admire, that we do. Then come to America, legally. Jump through your hoops, that we do. Follow dream to be great conductor so Hollywood I go. Become one. Happy American I am.”
“My, oh, my: a conductor. Can you tell us some of your recordings? Which symphony have you conducted?”
“I have yet to release recordings of my sounds.”
“Sounds? Not music?”
“If you were a cricket, music. We are not crickets, so sounds. I conduct my own, ‘Cricket Orchestra.’ Here, I show photo of orchestra. See those large crickets on the lower right? Those are my ‘Bass Crickets.’ Those smaller crickets over there? See? ‘Treble Crickets.’”
“I don’t understand.”
“Ever watch movie with summer scene? You need ‘Cricket Sounds.’ I provide. See ‘Swamp Creature’ on the silver screen? You hear cricket sounds. I provide. Am successful and happy. I have happy orchestra. Eat ‘Wonder Bread’ with peanut butter. Crickets, too.”
“Well, I’m speechless. Thank you for being on the show. We’ll pause for a short break.”
“Quiet Village” (3:42)
“And we’re back with Mr. Issac Weiss, a philosopher. Welcome aboard. What have you got for us?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“They say it all started with the ‘Big Bang,’ but they missed the boat.”
“Boat? What boat?”
“The boat where it all went to. Look, there was this big bang, but what if there wasn’t an empty space to allow the bang to bang in, to expand? There had to be room, right? So, the empty space had to be in place before the Big Bang. Isn’t that so?”
“Yes, I suppose you are right about that.”
“That’s what I do. Also, write book about crazy people who are anti-ICE. I get idea from your ‘Zork.’ I read from my book, if you please: ‘Anti-ICE is pro-Angel Moms. Anti-ICE to allow illegal immigrant pedophiles to ruin American lives. There is no logic in being anti-ICE. It is anti-American to be anti-ICE.’”
“Why, that’s great. What’s the title of your new book?”
“It’s called ‘What Makes You So Stupid?’”
“That’s a horrible title.”
“I know, but it fits; besides, I like it.”
“Thank you for being on the show. We’ll take a commercial break; don’t touch that dial.”
“I Can Hear Music” (2:28)
“Our last guest works for FEMA, the Federal Emergency Management Agency. Let me introduce Miss Linda Rybinsky, a bigwig at the agency. How long have you worked for FEMA?”
“First of all, we don’t call it work since we don’t actually do any work. If what happened in East Palestine, Ohio, didn’t convince you of that, nothing will.”
“I see, Well, then, how long have you been not working for FEMA?”
“Twenty-seven years; perfect attendance record.”
“Why, that’s great. What’s going on with that sewage spill in the Potomac?”
“Why, nothing. It’s not our job to babysit Dems. We don’t have the time and we don’t care. If the voters are so stupid to elect such losers as Wes Moore, then we can’t help them. Too bad about the fish, but it’s not our job.”
“What is your job?”
“To show up for work on time and to clock out on time. That’s it, just like any other government job. What a silly question.”
“Well, you’ve been a very good guest and we thank you for taking the time off you busy schedule.”
“Anytime. Thank you for having me.”
“You’re more than welcome. And that’s it for this episode of ‘Pulse,’ the most-viewed information show in its time slot. I’m Pastor Dunkin, wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.”
“Come Together” (4:26)
Pastor Dunkin