by Henry, ©2025
(Aug. 1, 2025) — “Good Vibrations” (3:45)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Professor Wert will be our featured guest to talk about – what did you call it, ‘ear rape?’ You’re serious, right?”
“As serious as a flea on a dog. Yes, I’m tired of having my ears assaulted, and I’ve put together a defense that is sure to work.”
“This ought to be interesting. So, to start, what is exactly a – what did you call it, ‘ear rape?’ How is that possible?”
“Not only possible, but reality. Let me ask you this: would you want something stupid in your ear, yes or no?”
“No, of course not.”
“And that’s my point. Look, sound travels up your ‘external auditory canal’ before it slams into your ‘tympanic membrane,’ understand?”
“Yes, understood; we paid attention in high school biology class.”
“So, what if stupidity travels up your canal? Would you like it? What’s the difference between your ear being abused and a woman being raped?”
“Well, I’d say, at the offset, about a million different things. Is this for real? I mean, come on, now.”
“No, you come on, now yourself. I’m sick and tired of this ‘Trump destroying Democracy’ when, in fact, if it weren’t for Trump we wouldn’t even have a country to have a Democracy in. Think about it. Had ‘Miss Cackle’ won there would be no more USA, right?”
“Well, you got that part right.”
“So, all I’m saying is what we need is ear protection, plain and simple.”
“So, wear earmuffs or those headphone things when you go to the shooting range.”
“Or shoot the stupids with non-washable blue dye.”
“That, too.”
“And that’s it. Notice I didn’t mention the Second Amendment?”
“Ah, yes, I did but, tell the truth, I was afraid to bring it up.”
“Look, Henry, I like to keep things plain and simple.”
“Sounds alright, but that depends on your definition of ‘plain and simple.’”
“Fair enough. What do you say we issue PAINT GUNS to MAGA people and, whenever their ears are assaulted from hearing stupid, they spray the speaker.”
“Not bad.”
Sorry, quick commercial break: “We’ll Sing in the Sunshine” (2:58)
“And have different colors for the degree of stupidity, blue being the worst. Have non-washable ink-balls, non-lethal; fair enough? Stupid people like lots of ink anyway.”
“Color me crazy but I’m beginning to like your idea. Rachel Maddow would be blue; Morning Joe; so, too would my neighbor; every time I see him, I’d spray him.”
“Now that’s the spirit. And it gets even better, I mean, more realistic. In places like NYC, Chicago, Maine and Michigan, a quota system will be enacted to make sure the stupids are marked.”
“Why, that would mean all the Dems and Muslims would be painted blue.”
“That’s right, all blue. Let me ask you this: Wouldn’t you want to know if a Muslim is boarding your plane or bus?”
“I think that goes without saying.”
“What about renting a truck?”
“Again, that goes without saying.”
“What about entering a store, any store?”
“I think we get the point.”
“Fine, then my job is done. All MAGA people are hereby required, not only to be armed to the teeth, but to have the means to ‘PAINT THE ENEMY.’”
“I guess Mamdani will be blue, right?”
“Very blue, layers of blue until he self-deports.”
“Never happen.”
“Wanna bet?”
“Look, I wish we could talk about the stupids and all those with ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome’ for hours more, but we’ve run out of time, and so this is Henry, along with Professor Wert, saying thank you for watching or reading, as the case may be, and have a good night: Goodnight.
“Good show, a little off-the-cuff, but entertaining. There are sliders in the fridge for you while I’m having dragon-fly abdomens soaked in turtle egg albumen garnished with fresh fly pupae.”
“No pond scum?”
“No, mixed with turtle egg albumen it gives me heartburn.”
“I Hear You Knocking” (2:50)