by Henry, ©2025
(Jul. 15, 2025) — “Fortuneteller” (2:41)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Madam Shylock will be our featured guest, but I must warn you: we’ve never seen her like this. Who are you supposed to be, the ‘Wicked Witch of the West?’”
“Precisely. I’m wearing my pointed black hat to emphasize my predictions.”
“You never made any ‘predictions’ before; what gives?”
“What gives? You ask me what gives? I’ll tell you what gives: I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired of all the stupid people in our country; that’s what I’m sick and tired about.”
“I can see that.”
“You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”
“What in heaven’s sake got your goat so riled up?”
“I already told you, stupid people.”
“Alright, that’s a start. Define ‘stupid people’ for us, if you would, please.”
“Most certainly. Stupid people are those who think there’s nothing wrong with millions of unvetted immigrants in our country. They get upset that some of us want the unvetted deported ASAP.”
“Okay, stupid people are against ICE doing their job. We know that, so what else is new?”
“I’ll tell you what else is new: my putting a curse on the dummies.”
“What sort of curse?”
“A bad curse.”
“Could you be a tad more specific?”
“Okay, try this on for size. The vetting process encompasses everything possible to know about the potential immigrant, such as age, sex, and where they came from.”
“I think we all know at least that much.”
“Good for you, but did you ever think about the health of the individual? I mean, maybe the illegal has a runny nose.”
“So what, lots of legal Americans have runny noses.”
“But during the PROCESS OF VETTING, the diagnosis of the illegal may reveal something CATASTROPHIC. Maybe a common cold strand that has never hit our shores.”
“I think we could handle that.”
“A new flu virus.”
“We could handle that, too.”
“A new measles virus.”
“That’s a bad one.”
“How about a group from somewhere else running through the fence and some NGO picks them up, maybe drops them off at the airport or bus station, and they all have a low-grade fever, maybe coughing.”
“Why are they coughing?”
“Maybe they have tuberculosis.”
“Now that is bad.”
“Maybe Marburg virus.”
“Very, very bad.”
“Ebola: starts off with regular flu symptoms.”
“My goodness, and we didn’t vet any of them. They could be walking time bombs.”
“Most definitely. Pneumonic plague.”
“Stop it! We get the picture.”
“I don’t think you do. You go to the store and come home with ‘a bug.’ You send your child to school, comes home with a slight cough. You go to church and by sunset everyone is dead, thanks to an unvetted illegal immigrant who had Ebola. Let that sink in.”
“So, why the witches’ outfit?”
“Usually I don’t wear this, but for this special occasion, it’s a must. I hereby put a curse on anyone who is opposed to sending each and every unvetted invader back home, like now. And here’s the curse: may you suffer the consequences of your stupidity rather than any MAGA person.”
“Wow, are we ever glad we want the illegals out of here. It’s been great having you on the show. This is Henry, along with Madam Shylock, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show, but scary. You brought a sandwich? Oh, thank you, a carton of guppies. Let’s go out back.”
“Behind Blue Eyes” (3:43)