by Roving Reporter, ©2025
(Mar. 24, 2025) — “I Like It Like That” (3:48)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. As you can see, we’re at a veterans’ organization’s ‘Spring Picnic’ to enjoy the charcoal-broiled dogs, brats and burgers and talk to those who answered the call to duty and served our country with honor. Hello, I’m Roving, a reporter for ‘Pulse,’ the most- watched information show in its time slot.”
“I know who you are; heck, we all know who you are. Got Henry with you? Never saw a talking frog before. Am I on camera? Hi, Mom!”
“Stop! Sorry, but we don’t allow any of that ‘Hi, Mom’ stuff.”
“Why not?”
“Company rules, who knows? Let me ask you a question, if I may.”
“I don’t know; I mean, what if I just waved to my mom? Will that work?”
“You got a secret wave or something?”
“That we do.”
“Okay, then, go ahead and wave to your mother. What service were you in?”
“Army. ‘Go, Army!’”
“Not going to bother asking who you voted for, but I am asking what’s on your mind about the crazy Dems. I mean, how would you deal with them?”
“Seriously? You’re not going to bleep my answer out of the broadcast? Promise? Alright, I’ll tell you. Now I’m not saying this is my idea, but I like it just the same.”
“Okay, what’s the idea?”
“Well, we got lots of guys who miss the action, if you know what I mean. How about adding some 24-hour surveillance to all Tesla owners and dealers, free of charge?”
“Was that a pun? Did you just make a pun? Go on.”
“Day and night. Like at the dealerships, have them on the roof, but here’s the best part.”
“Go on; this I just gotta hear.”
“Well, we all have guns, right? Everyone has pistols, revolvers, shotguns, rifles, and rifles with thermal scopes.”
“Thermal scopes?”
“Night vision. And there’s a lot of us; why, every last one of the chapters are willing to serve as sentries, day and night, weekends and holidays. And we worked out a schedule so nobody would be inconvenienced in any way. Like at a dealership, maybe one night a week, two guys from 6:00 to 6:00. Anyone who comes by and tries to key a Tesla, BANG! Burn a Tesla? BANG! Drive by? Not driving for long, or far. We have enough volunteers to protect all of the Teslas in our area day and night.”
“Shoot to scare?”
“Head shots only, none of this Intensive Care and ‘motive’ nonsense.”
“Have you approached the local Tesla dealer about your idea?”
“We have and they like it; matter of fact, I heard that one dealer even brought in a camping trailer for our guys, you know, for cooking and such so we always have the place protected, just as if we were on guard duty at any base anywhere 24-7.”
“By golly, I like your idea, and I wish you all the very best. And there you have it, straight from the horse’s mouth. This is your Roving Reporter wishing each of you a very goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show with a darn good idea. I’m going for a brat and some sauerkraut.”