by Roving Reporter, ©2025
(Jan. 22, 2025) — “Navy Blue” (2:25)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. We received an email from Professor Zorkophsky late last night imploring us to let him be our featured guest for today’s program so naturally, we complied, and here he is. What on earth can be so compelling as to your acting close to berserk? I remind our viewers that Professor Zorkophsky is a licensed professional nut doctor who specializes in treating combat-related PTSD cases. He used to work for the VA but refused to make zombies out of his patients by subscribing pills as the ‘cure,’ namely, elevated doses of Prozac, so he was pink-slipped. Since that fateful day, ‘Zork,’ as he likes to be called, has become a phenomenal bestseller of psychiatry textbooks for the amateur neighborhood shrink. Welcome back on ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“Thank you for having me on your show.”
“No problem. What’s up?”
“The continued good health of our country is what’s up. Alan Dershowitz, the well-known professor of the Constitution from Harvard University, seems to think that common sense has no bearing on any interpretation of the Constitution.”
“You mean the Harvard where they had the ‘Pro-Hamas’ marches?”
“Yes, that’s the one.”
“The same Harvard where they allowed antisemitism to flourish?”
“Same one.”
“Now is that where Elizabeth Warren lied on her application to Harvard and they didn’t fire her? That Harvard?”
“Yes, that’s the Harvard I’m referring to.”
“How many ‘Harvards’ are there?”
“As far as I know, just the one.”
“The one that Dershowitz is from?”
“Yes, that’s the one.”
“The Harvard University that used to have the only library around but now we have libraries all over our country plus the Internet, so maybe the Harvard library isn’t so exclusive after all, at least in the last two centuries. Isn’t that right?”
“That’s right. You can check out the 11 unabridged volumes of Gibbon’s ‘The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire’ from any library in Louisiana if you so desire. Leave a deposit and check out one volume at a time.”
“So, what did this Dershowitz say that upset you so?”
“He said that a child born of illegal immigrants is automatically a U.S. citizen.”
“An ‘Anchor Baby.’”
“Right. He waffled around the terms ‘Letter of the Law’ and the ‘Spirit of the Law.’”
“What’s the difference?”
“’Letter’ signifies black and white logic, leaves no room for interpretation, whereas ‘Spirit’ invokes common sense, logic and the ability to understand the black and white ‘wording’ of the ‘14th Amendment.’ Allow me to explain.”
“Please do.”
14th Amendment
Section 1
All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.
“Go on.”
“All ‘persons born…citizens of the United States.’ You can nit-pick it to death; you can nit-pick the 14th Amendment until the cows come home, but you’ll never, ever get around the ‘illegal immigrant’ part of the equation, the ‘Citizens of the United States,’ which is where common sense enters the picture.”
“Dershowitz voted for Hillary, isn’t that what he said? What is he, stupid?”
“He’s a Socialist, a die-hard Communist in the wool. He believes his own lies. In his mind, he believes his own importance.”
“From a business (Harvard) that can’t fire someone who lied on his application?”
“I know, it’s sad when old men lose it; trust me.”
“So, Dershowitz lost it?”
“Maybe he never had it, at least not all of it; maybe he had some of it years ago, but he sure as heck doesn’t have it now. Common sense dictates that you’ve got to protect the homeland first; that’s where the ‘common sense’ enters the picture.”
“Well, Zork, it just so happens we agree with you. Look back in the archive of our previous shows and you’ll see that ‘Pulse’ has been against ‘Anchor Babies’ and ‘Affirmative Action‘ from Day 1. I see that we’ve run out of time and so this is your Roving Reporter, along with Zork, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Anchors Aweigh” (2:21)
Roving Reporter
The issue is neither ‘common sense’ nor difficult. The issue is the plain text: ‘…,and subject to the jurisdiction thereof,…’
To some this is in effect a throwaway line (consequently the first and only one in the amended Constitution), or a line that confers an after-the-fact duty. Nope. It is a conditional equal in weight to the immediately preceding ‘All persons born…’ conditional. How does one become ‘subject to the jurisdiction thereof?’ Ultimately, parental allegiance and historically and culturally the father’s.
One may as well be just as wrong and say ‘I don’t believe in God’ actually means ‘I believe in God.’
If the Constitution Editing Society will stop the annoying parsing, we’ll stop the grousing.
Lastly, why (as in illegals casting votes) is the burden on us and not the Constitution and law abusers? Make your case first before beginning the practice. Too many pull the ‘We are going to do what we want to do until a court stops us.’