by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Nov. 24, 2024) — “Overture” (From the Alamo)” (3:25)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Professor Wert has joined us to hawk his latest children’s book, ‘We are One in a Billion Billion.’ Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. Professor, glad to have you. That title is a little too much, even for an adult. What do you mean by it other than frightening the little kiddies?”
“No frighten, trust me. Educate them; tell them how it really is, no blinders. The universe is a very unforgiving, hostile environment and before we know it, the sun will swallow us all up and that’ll be the end, so there.”
“So there? What are you, some kind of nut? You’re talking 7 billion years from now, nothing to worry about. Let’s cut it in half; that’s still 3 billion years and that’s a lot of years, even in space-time. Listen, our little tykes don’t know a billion from a million or grandpa’s time from a hundred generations ago. And this lava under our feet, what’s that all about?”
“Ever been to Yellowstone National Park? The whole thing is one humungous caldera, the whole park. The biggest volcano in the world right beneath our feet.”
“But you don’t have to scare the little ones out of their gourd, do you?”
“Face it, “Shock Sells.’“
“You mean you’re scaring the little kids to buy the book?”
“Yes, it’s the name of the game. Ever hear the phrase, ‘Publish or perish’? Well, now, after you publish you better sell the goods, see?”
“Yes, I see, but nevertheless, I still think it’s showboating. Let’s take a quick commercial break if you don’t mind?”
“Not at all.”
“Cool Water” (3:10)
“And we’re back with Professor Wert who wrote a pretty disheartening book for little kids; isn’t that right, Professor?”
“If you put it that way, then, yes, it’s exactly what I did. But halfway into the book you’ll find the ‘Ten Commandments’ and the last chapter is devoted to why the ‘Golden Rule’ is the key to survival, not just in personal relationships and in the business world, but from country to country, from religion to religion, and from regular folk to brain-dead cult members who are never given the chance to think for themselves and, most likely, never will.”
“Things are looking up.”
“Another way of looking at life is that, timewise, we humans have been around in less than the blink of an eye in terms of the universe’s age; you know, timeline-speak.”
“You mean like the clock of the world and we humans have been on the scene for the last few seconds?”
“That’s right. I have this theory that we’ve all done it before, that millions of years ago, maybe hundreds of millions of years ago, we humans were on the earth but somehow managed to mess it up, to destroy ourselves; how, I don’t know. Viruses or atomic bombs, dead is dead. What I’m saying is that evidence of previous moon or Mars landings may not be of ‘extraterrestrial’ origins but from earth a long, long time ago. To put it another way, we’ve been down this road before, and if people go around killing other people for no reason, or half the population is barred for whatever reason from the other half – like not teaching girls how to read – the broken record will just break again.”
“When you say ‘record,’ what do you mean by that?”
“The ‘human record,’ from the ‘Big Bang’ ’til now.”
“Alright, but why do you have to tell the little kiddies that they’re floating on melten rock that’s 2,000 degrees?”
“Simple: that every one of us, no matter who or what we are, are all floating on something that could vaporize us in a blink of an eye, that we’re all in the same boat.”
“Was that supposed to be a pun?”
“The book is full of them.”
“Any last words?”
“Only to ask Netanyahu to make the IDF release the tapes of Oct. 7.”
“Why’s that so important?”
“I think that most of the world has blinders on. I think it’s about time to let the Canadians and the idiot American college students know the truth about Islam, once and for all. Show the horrors of that day in ever-lovin’ detail, in slow motion, if necessary; let it sink in and then let’s see if anyone wants to wave a Hamas flag or, for that matter, any flag that supports Islam, okay?”
“Okay, works for me.”
“And another thing.”
“Go ahead.”
“If they want to defund the cops, as Geraldo Rivera does, maybe try and stay home* on a Saturday night and read a book rather than go out and get drunk and speed or pull a knife on somebody in a bar, okay?”
“Fine with us. I see the clock on the wall tells us that our time is up. Sounds like a neat book for the little ones after all; thanks for coming by and promoting it. This is your Roving Reporter, along with Professor Wert, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[*Stay home: Blacks are 13% of the population but commit 76% of the crime. Look, folks, it’s a no-brainer, it’s an argument that isn’t winnable. They do the crime, so they get arrested; it’s as simple as that.]
“The Lone Ranger” (2:01)
Roving Reporter