A Prayer for Trump (RR)

by Henry, ©2024

(Jul. 19, 2024) — “What a Day for a Daydream” (1:56)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Bishop Dunkin invited us to his little church down on Hawthorn Street, so here we are, up in the balcony. The good Bishop just walked up to the pulpit so let’s listen in.”

“Good morning, parishioners, and welcome to our little church down on Hawthorn Street. Please turn to page 138 in your hymnal and join our most excellent choir in celebration of the One who will lead us out of the collapsing death trap into utopia, the ‘Land of Plenty.’ If you can’t carry a tune, that’s fine; most of us are in the same boat but, nevertheless, you are more than welcome to share your love for your country by singing along.”

“He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands” (2:25)

“Thank you, one and all. What do you say we get the house business over with first for a change? Mary McCarthy will be hosting ‘Teatime’ this week in the basement, Linda Miler will be in charge of the paper drive to raise money for the Sunday School kids to visit the zoo the week before school starts, and I will be giving my annul ‘Dead Sea Scroll‘ talk an hour earlier than scheduled, so you should make a note of that.

“Today’s sermon is titled ‘A Prayer for Trump’ which, one could say, is a prayer for our country and, as far as that goes, a prayer for us all, since each of us has an equal stake in the outcome of this coming election. So maybe it should be titled, ‘A Prayer for Us All.’

“We have a friend who was a presidential candidate in 2012 and was asked if he would accept protection from the government. Well, he turned it down and I asked him why. He said if anyone was out to ‘do him in’ (his words), it would probably be the government. That’s right; he didn’t trust the government. He said, back when he wore the uniform of our armed forces, he thought the government was his worst enemy.

“President Trump, are you listening? Are you paying attention, because you sure weren’t paying attention in Butler, PA. The government is the enemy; surely you understand at least that much. You should have combat-experienced Veterans watching your back, not some rent-a-cops or, really, now, not even Secret Service, government employees.

“Speaking of this presidential candidate I know, the one who ran in 2012, in order to gain admittance to any of his rallies you had to show a loaded gun. True story. Think about it. Okay, he didn’t win, but if anyone even looked at him sideways, they would be turned into mincemeat and nobody would’ve been waiting around for ‘permission’; I guarantee it.

“Mr. Trump, the Deep State wants to kill you. Every Muslim in the world wants to kill you. Every stupid Dem wants you dead. That’s right; they’re all complete idiots and they all want you off the board. Call Dan Bongino and have him hire some combat Veterans who have NO TIES TO THE GOVERNMENT to act as your security for yourself and your family. Combat Veterans are preferred because they already experienced to expect the unexpected, understand?

“Let us pray: Dear Lord, please make Trump come to his senses to have combat-experienced Veterans, real men who don’t need to ask permission from Mommy to blow the bad guy to smithereens, or maybe use a knife so as not to make a bunch of needless noise that might upset the cadence of Trump’s campaign speech, to protect him from those who suffer from ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome.’ We would like the Fake News banned from his speeches. We would also like a big sign, in Spanish, at every polling place, stating that if an illegal tries to vote they will, well, use your imagination. We pray that the Dems can see that the open border, inflation and endless wars are not a good thing to have, that we can prosper in a country of citizens and not a country of rapists, murderers and child molesters from every country in the world which emptied its prisons and insane asylums. We ask these things of you in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.”

“What a Friend We have in Jesus” (2:38)

“Thank you all. Goodnight.”

Henry