by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Feb. 20, 2024) — “You’re the Reason I’m Living” (2:28)
“Sanctuary city, sanctuary state, eventually someone must pay the piper for unrealistic government handouts, and the piper in New York’s case is the price of everything that is trucked-in, which is everything. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Professor Wert will be our featured guest, but before we get to him, we have Mary Jo, a State Baton Champion, who has a rather interesting idea. Let’s hear it, Mary Jo.”
“It’s simple, really; all we have to do is have baton championships coincide with girls’ swim meets.”
“What will that accomplish?”
“Well, first of all, the swimmers and the majorettes will share the same locker room, the girls’ locker room.”
“What will that accomplish?”
“Picture it. The majorettes warming up, twirling their batons and, oops! One baton goes flying off and hits a pretend female swimmer you-know-where. Sorry! It slipped; I hope it doesn’t happen again. Oh, it did, so sorry!”
“I see your point; accidents do happen. But isn’t that like attacking the mentally ill?”
“What’s your point?”
“I see. Well, thank you for sharing your idea with us. Now, we don’t endorse violence on ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot, but I like Mary Jo’s idea, and maybe it’ll catch on; who knows? What do you say we pause for a quick commercial break. Don’t go anywhere; be right back.”
“Quiet Village” (2:48)
“And we’re back with our featured guest, Professor Wert, previously of exploring fame but lately a writer of children’s books; isn’t that so?”
“You betcha.”
“Care to elaborate?”
“Not really.”
“Mind telling us why you’re here?”
“Not at all; thought you’d never ask. I’m here to promote the subtraction of long-haul trucking to and from New York. The way it works is that only designated trucks will be allowed to haul trailers or tankers within New York. Long-haulers will be allowed to travel through New York.”
“So far, so good.”
“Any trailer or tanker that is destined for New York will be required to unhook at a truck stop outside the state to be hooked up by a designated tractor for the state; understood?”
“I understand that will require an added cost of goods going into and out of New York, right?”
“Yes, that’s right, but nothing comes out of New York except moving vans, so the only thing we have to concern ourselves with is the added cost of everything going into New York.”
“That makes sense.”
“Yes. If you are so stupid not to understand MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, as AG Letitia James and Judge Arthur Engoron clearly do not, then let the whole state suffer the consequences.”
“So be it.”
“And that’s it.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
“Okay, I thank you for the news and I feel sorry for all those innocent New Yorkers who will be paying more, but hey, too bad, right? You elect worthless mayors and governors, what do you expect? And so, this is you Roving Reporter, along with Professor Wert and Mary Jo, wishing all of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Try That in a Small Town” (3:00)