by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Dec. 24, 2023) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. We’ve been invited down to the little church on Hawthorn Street to listen to Bishop Dunkin’s Christmas Tidings, and there he is, approaching the pulpit, so let’s act polite and give our full attention to the proceedings.”
“Please stand. I’m sure we all enjoyed the little kiddies performing this year’s Passion Play. It’s too bad that ‘Pulse,’ the ever-popular information TV program, showed up an hour late, but we’re glad to have them come for the second half of this year’s Christmas celebration. Please join in with our choir for the next hymnal.”
“The Lord’s Prayer” (4:22)
“Please be seated. Some folks open their presents on Christmas Eve, some Christmas morning, while I open mine each and every morning and have been doing do ever since I kicked the drugs. Alcohol is a drug; so, too cigarettes, no less potent than marijuana, cocaine or heroin. When I awake, I bless the Lord for giving me another chance at life, to hopefully not make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past, and try to be a better person than I was the day before.
“Jesus lived an ‘examined life,’ which means he didn’t make the same mistakes everyone else makes. I had PTSD for 17 years, which means that just about everything I did during those 17 years was skewed, except for getting married. And to keep my colossal mistake record intact, I divorced her. Biggest mistake I’ll ever make; at least I got that milestone behind me.
“We live in perilous times, times when our elected representatives outright lie to us, the mainstream media does likewise, and the Joint Chiefs of Staff are to be ridiculed for being, besides just plain stupid, unpatriotic.
“Jesus taught us the lesson of the Golden Rule, but I’m finding it virtually impossible to ignore our country being destroyed right before our eyes. I’m sorry to say that the philosophical concept of giving someone the ‘benefit of the doubt’ has passed its deadline, because events are moving too fast while lives are being destroyed for a political philosophy that has never worked and can never be successful no matter how many accolades are bestowed upon the glories of Socialism. The fact is that human nature intervenes, and if you don’t believe me just look at our Republic being destroyed by greed and ignorance, two of our common human traits.
“We are born, and our first cry is that of a dynamo being started. We are electromagnetic moveable organisms that strive to reproduce, like rats in a maze, for why is it then that, as a rule, wealthy couples have fewer children than poor folks? Some unmarried men have numerous offspring by numerous women which is quite irresponsible by both parties.
“Which begs the question of why Muslim men put great importance on raping Jewish and Christian women: is it because they, at least in the subconscious primal reasoning aspect of their brains, wish that any offspring they may possibly contribute to has a better chance of survival being raised in the belief system of ‘Do unto others as you would wish done upon themselves’ than how they were raised? It takes a lot of effort and resources to commit the crime of rape, and it seems to me that any questionable benefit is lost by the wayside. I mean, think about it, would Muslim men wish that their mothers, sisters, daughters and grandmothers be tortured and raped? Is that the world in which they wish to live?
“I thought long and hard about the subject for my Christmas message. One would think it would be pretty easy to speak about ‘Peace on Earth and Good Will to Men,’ but that would be like ignoring what’s been going on for the past 1,600 years, culminating last October 7th in Israel, and that we cannot do. We cannot gloss over what goes on all over our world every day; we cannot ignore the facts.
“The news out of Africa every day is so common that it’s not news anymore. What used to be printed on page one is now on page 17: MUSLIMS RAID VILLAGE, BEHEAD 20, KIDNAP 13 GIRLS. Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of it. We’ve been taking ‘kill the Jew and Christian whenever Ye may find them’ for the past 1,600 years, and I’m telling you it’s got to stop. Soon they’ll have a nuclear device and they’ll use it. They won’t threaten to use it; they’ll explode it and then have parades and cheer, and many of our disillusioned young ignoramuses will hold up signs saying they want another 1,600 years of pure unadulterated wasteful and ridiculous hate.
“My message for this Christmas season is this: pay attention. The ‘rape trees’ on the roads crossing our southern border are the direct result of this administration’s ‘Open Border Policy’; 9-11 is the direct result of our bureaucracies not doing their job on people overstaying visas; and the atrocities perpetuated on Oct. 7th are the direct result of not paying attention.
“I hope you received my message and I wish you all the best. Amen.”
“And that does it for this Christmas broadcast. I wish you a safe passage through the rest of your days. Goodnight.”
“The Holly and the Ivy” (2:16)