by Roving Reporter, ©2023
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(Nov. 14, 2023) — “Travelin’ Man” (2:23)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. For the record, if Biden and Harris have any input on any military strategy or operation, our troops are dead. Had we used the same Rules of Engagement in WWII that we’ve used since, we would all be speaking German and driving rice-burners. And now, I understand that Henry is in Hong Kong about to meet with some Chinese character. Let’s listen in.”
“Ah, you welcome to Hong Kong, I’m sure. You famous frog that speak. So glad you here; you glad, too, I’m sure. Here hand bowl, oh, you want swim before big meeting? Sure, go ahead. We all swim before big meeting; old Chinese custom. Confucius say: ‘Swim before meet washes away sneaky intentions.’
“Here washcloth for you that use as towel. We have no word for ‘towel’ in China because we have no towels; use unclean pajamas that I believe you call, ‘PJ’s’; is that quite correct?
“I am so glad. Now we drive over to honorable meeting place. Please fasten seat belt or incessant bell annoy most distinguished frog.
“Yes, I will be translator. Look for frog to be but no find, so sorry. Pleased to meet most Honorable Diplomat Chong, most Honorable Diplomat Chong, Henry. He say esteemed pleasure to meet Honorable Frog. He say what part of pond come from. I say you come from South Side.”
Sound of laughter from Honorable Diplomat Chong.
“He say can’t negotiate with crazy people. He say read what you say: ‘America and China fight the Muslims of the world.’ He say he agree but say for now leave it alone. He say, ‘No tip cart for apples.’ I tell him what you said, ‘The enemy of my enemy is my friend not always true.’ He say will take care of Muslim problem, no worry, please.
“I tell him what you say: ‘Those who have pet rattlesnakes get bit.’“
Sound of laughter from Honorable Diplomat Chong.
“He ask why you not laugh with him? I tell him what you say, ‘Dying for stupidity not funny.’ He say you need lesson in diplomacy. I tell him if you deport your Muslims, will he listen next time? He say, ‘Sure thing; for real.’
“Honorable Diplomat Chong say pleased to meet with frog from America. Will remember what frog say. Frog say never trust a Muslim for any reason at any time. More practice stabbing in back than CCP. He say under-the-table-talk, he agree with you but Biden just too stupid not to take advantage of. Look forward to next meeting, for sure.”
“And so we leave Henry in Hong Kong. And that’ll do it for this episode of ‘Pulse,’ the most- watched information show in its time slot. Goodnight.”