by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Oct. 27, 2023) — “Try That in a Small Town” (3:00)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest needs no introduction except to say we’re glad he’s back with us. Welcome home, Professor Wert, our intrepid traveler. What have you got for us this time?”
“I have a bag of fresh macadamia nuts that I purchased yesterday from a plantation in Hawaii. You’re welcome to have them but I must warn you that, once eaten, you’ll never settle for anything but fresh from now on.”
“Then I’m afraid I’ll have to pass. I once had a fresh blackberry – right off the bush – and ever since I just don’t like the taste of days-old or frozen.”
“I hear you. Maybe feed the squirrels in the park; I’m sure they’ll like them.”
“I’m sure they will. What’s your latest masterpiece?”
“Just a little something I wrote down on my way back; it’s a mighty long flight.”
“Sounds great; let’s hear it after the commercial break.”
“Michael, Row the Boat Ashore” (3:01)
“And we’re back with Professor Wert who will read us what he wrote on the plane on his way back from Hawaii. By the way, what were you doing there?”
“Literally and figuratively digging for the truth about that fire on Maui. I left with more questions than when I arrived. I’ll tell you this, though: something awfully fishy is going on; I’ll say that much, and none of it’s good.”
“I hear you. Go ahead and read what you wrote.”
“Thank you.
“Once upon a time, many years ago that could only be counted by generations long forgotten, there lived a young boy who was curious by nature. He would look up at the night sky and wonder why some lights would move, only to return to the same spot the following year. He also wondered why his father and uncles would yell and scream at some people, be downright rude to them, while they taught him to be kind to strangers.
“One day he mustered up enough nerve to ask his father why he was rude to some people. His father answered that they were different and, therefore, deserved to be treated poorly. The young boy asked he father, didn’t they suffer the same drought as we did a few years ago? Didn’t they get blasted by the same sandstorm as we last week? The father said, yes, they did, but they are different than you and I so deserve to be treated poorly.
“Years passed and the boy became a young man who satisfied his curiosity by becoming a merchant. At first, he would trade by camel caravan and, when he saw the sea for the first time, he knew he wanted to sail off to the four corners of the world, which he did. Upon his travels he met a young maiden and they fell in love, got married and had sons and daughters.
“And when the young man was wealthy, he decided to bring his family to his father, to show him how successful he was in his business and in love. And when he arrived at his father’s house, his father cursed him, stabbed his wife to death and then stabbed him.
“’But why, father?’ his son asked while he was dying. ‘Because, son, you married someone who was different.'”
“Golly, Professor Wert, but you just lay it out, don’t you? Let’s take a commercial break and catch our breath.”
“Try to Remember” (3:01)
“Okay, the good Professor had to skip to another engagement, so we’ll just cut the show short. I’ll just say that we’re really glad that Matt Gaetz ousted that sleaze Kevin McCarthy so now we’ll have at least a chance to save our Republic. Next on the hit list should be Mitch McConnell; let’s replace all the RINOs with MAGA supporters. Don’t let one more Muslim enter our country and deport the ones who are here. I guess that’ll do it, so I’ll just say have a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”