by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Sep. 19, 2023) —“Try That in a Small Town” (3:00)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Professor Wert is with us today to hawk his latest book which I understand is some sort of murder mystery. I thought you were going after the kiddie market? Anyway, welcome to our humble show, the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“And thank you for having me back so soon. Now about the book…”
“What’s the title?”
“The title is, ‘The Random Murders, NOT,’ that is if the printer does what’s he’s told.”
“Problems?”
“I guess. Anyway, the manuscript went to the printer this morning so it should be on the shelves in a couple of weeks. Here’s the story: people are getting murdered all over the country and the FBI can’t make the connection.”
“Connection?”
“Motive. They couldn’t figure out why these people got murdered until one of the agents went on the Internet to get some information on how to assemble a baby crib that his wife ordered. He watched the video of the assembly process and attempted to recreate the process himself. Nope, he must have missed something. He viewed another video only to get even more confused.”
“I understand completely.”
“You do? Welcome to the club. So, Monday morning the agents have a meeting and during the meeting the agent mentioned that he had one heck of a frustrating weekend trying to assemble the stupid crib. Another agent chimed in and said he was trying to help fix his daughter’s computer and said it was a waste of time, something to do with a download that messed everything up and he spent the whole weekend trying to ‘uninstall.’
“Been there, done that. I never update anymore; never. I got tired of everything rearranged, erased, and not working.”
“I hear you. Anyway, one of the agents says that maybe the murders do have a commonality, that of maybe the murdered people posted a self-help video that nobody could possibly duplicate, and it upset some people so much that murder was their only option, according to my story. I wouldn’t want any copycat murderers out there, now, would I?”
“Of course not.”
“So that’s the story: people becoming unhinged due to ‘how-to’ videos. ‘Oh, this is so easy, even a kid could do it.’ NOT. Not in a million years. If you want to become unhinged, go ahead and watch a ‘how-to’ video on how the install the balance shaft belt on a 944 Porsche, or ‘how-to’ snap together a wood stove pipe. Anyway, that’s the gist of the book.”
“Sounds more like a TV series.”
“That’s a great idea, Roving. ‘Murders by the Unhinged.’”
“And maybe the ‘unhinged’ are made to be unhinged.”
“Are you saying they make these ‘how-to’ videos to make people go bananas on purpose?”
“All I’m saying is that, even though they may mean well, they shouldn’t tempt Fate, is all I’m going to say. Alright, and that’ll do it for us and so, this is your Roving Reporter, along with Professor Wert, who just wrote a murder mystery that may be a TV series someday, wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Good luck on the book. Burger time: my treat.”
“Pizzica di San Vito” (2:20)
Roving Reporter