by Roving Reporter, ©2022
(Nov. 17, 2022) — “It’ll All Work Out” (3:05)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. We’ve all heard it before, ‘Red Wave‘ and ‘Red Tsunami,’ but you’ve also heard that if you don’t put people in jail, if you don’t prosecute election fraud, you’ll get crooked election after crooked election. If you keep the same crooked people in the same positions, Secretary of State, County Election Board supervisors, dishonest poll workers, cops who follow illegal orders – ‘just look the other way and pretend it didn’t happen’ – you’ll get the same results.
“The truth of the matter is that nobody on Planet Earth believes that the midterm election in Arizona was anywhere near honest, and to prove it we’ve traveled to South Side Chicago to ask the average Joe what he thinks.”
“There be no ‘Joe’; they be a Trayvon and a Dashawn, but no ‘Joe’, they be all done gone.”
“Well, what about you?”
“You a cop or something? What you doin’ in the Hood?”
“Part of America, right?”
“’member when Obama got ‘lected? ‘This ain’t America no more.’”
“So where am I?”
“About to get ‘ranged.”
“What the heck is ‘ranged?’”
“What if I said, ‘rearranged,’ would that help any?”
“I be leavin’. By the way, what’s your take on the Arizona midterm election?”
“They be owning City Hall, Jack.”
“And while we hightail it outta Dodge, let’s break for a commercial.”
“Fantasia on Greensleeves” (4:29)
“And we’re back with Sandy Ferguson, a professor of Sociology from an Ivy League school of high tuition. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. What do you have for us, Sandy?”
“This is the list you asked for, the list of the most despicable people in our country outside of the Beltway:
NY Gov. Kathy Hochul; AG Letitia James
MI Gov. Gretchen Whitmer; AG Dana Nessel
AZ Gov.-Elect Katie Hobbs; outgoing AG Mark Brnovich
PA Gov.-Elect Josh Shapiro
NV Gov.-Elect Joe Lombardo; AG Aaron Ford
NM Gov. Michelle Grisham; AG Hector Balderas
GA Gov. Brian Kemp; AG Chris Carr
It’s not the complete list but it’s a start. All of the names are people who deserve to spend the rest of their totally worthless lives behind bars. These are people who violated the people’s trust and, even worse, turned their backs on all the military who gave their lives for our Constitution.”
“So you’re saying these are some bad people?”
“Bottom of the barrel; scum; swamp rats who deserve public displays of contempt to the nth degree. These are the people who, if you’re driving along and see them on the side of the road with car trouble, you gesture to them as you speed by; these are people who, in case of an evacuation due to drastic inclement weather, such as an approaching tornado, you notice stranded on the side of the road, you yell ‘Let’s go Brandon!’ as you whiz by; these are the people who you wouldn’t lift a finger for; these are the people who do to you what none of us would do to them; these are the people who are exempt from the human race, who are devoid of empathy, who are on the same evolutionary scale as psychopaths.”
“Is that right?”
“Yes, but this is just a partial list. The full list would include Barry Soetoro (aka Obama) and all the rest who accept Biden as the legitimate president.”
“Crooks?”
“Yes.”
“Liars?”
“Right to your face.”
“Backstabber?”
“While they look you in the eye smiling.”
“Well, I think we’ve heard enough.”
“Here’s the point: if we don’t fix these few dishonest states, the next election will be as dishonest as the last. We must have voter ID; there’s no two ways around it, and if anyone doesn’t like it, that’s a cryin’ shame is all I can say.”
“That’s it?”
“No, that is not it. First, there is no ‘Republican Party.’ Think of Mitch McConnell and tell me if he’s any different than Schumer.”
“Good point.”
“And secondly, Trump would be a darn fool if he thinks he can win unless the playing field becomes an ‘honest playing field’; if not, he’s just treading water that the Fake News won’t even report. Look, the truth of the matter is that the United States is incapable of conducting honest elections; all we do is go through the motions where the outcome is determined in advance. We must require voter ID, same-day voting and counting, paper ballots and toss the hacked machines; that’s it. Thank you for having me on your most popular show.”
“And thank you for being here; it has been most informative. And so, on behalf of Sandy, this is your Roving Reporter wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“St. Louis Blues” (2:49)
Roving Reporter