by Roving Reporter, ©2022

(Oct. 25, 2022) — “What is Love” (2:16)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest today is Joe Smith, an electrical engineer specializing in short-circuits, commonly called a ‘PSYORT.’ What, pray tell, is a ‘PSYORT?’

“Yes, I can understand the confusion. It stands for a ‘professional psychiatrist treating the nuts among us’ who suffer from Psychological Electrical Short-Circuits,’ one of the many manifestations of PTSD.”

“PTSD is no joking matter.”

“Never said it was. PTSD is a disease of the mind, and left to its own conclusion, the only way out is suicide unless a greater force is used to fight against it.”

“That was a mouthful. What do you mean?”

“I mean, to quote from Professor Zorkophsky’s latest bestseller, ‘The Sea of Nitwits’: PTSD is only treatable once the afflicted recognizes that there’s a problem that has a solution.

“I think there’s a lot of affected people out there.”

“Professor Zorkophsky calls them ‘nuts.’

“Tell me, is the word ‘nuts’ an acceptable professional description of such people?”

“Oh, yes, by all means.”

“So, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying, according to Zorkophsky, each of us is an electrical unit.”

“So, we’re what, ‘human being units?’

“That’s right, and some of us have short-circuits, in other words, not wired as we’re supposed to be. Maybe our wires got crossed somehow, like a knife against your throat or being shot at.”

“Combat-induced PTSD. Like serving and then finding out that your service to your country was nothing but a sham, a lie. Even the dumbest PFC or Colonel serving in Afghanistan knew that the Afghans were a lost cause. And then running away and leaving $85 billion-worth of weapons and money behind, and getting 13 of our service men and women killed for nothing — well, no wonder why at least 22 eat a bullet every day; is that right?”

“Yes, Roving, sad but true. But there’s hope; remember that. The worst blow to someone who suffers from PTSD is to have someone you trust lie, such as a wife cheating. It’s one thing to have the government lie to you, but when your spouse does that’s the lowest of the low. For instance, when I married my wife I felt like ten feet tall, but when I found out that she would rather be with someone else, I felt like an inch tall.”

“That’ll sure do it.”

“I had to move to another state, and even though I went back a couple of times, I just stayed at the one-inch mark.”

“What about now?”

“To tell the truth, the same. They say that men have the most fragile egos and I truly believe that.”

“That’s too bad. How did you get over it?”

“I never ‘got over’ anything, although I quit the alcohol, nicotine, and the other drugs – been ‘clean’ for over 20 years – but I never got over anything. Take it one day at a time.”

“Well, that’s all any of us can expect. By the way, congratulations on your sobriety; at least that’s a plus.”

“That is so true. Thank you for inviting to let me tell our PTSD sufferers that there’s always hope.”

“The pleasure was all ours, thank you. We’ll pause for a short break.”

Go Away Little Girl” (2:16)

“And we’re back with a disgruntled Dem who used to work for the Biden Administration, Miss Dea Smith. Nice to have you on ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. What did you do for Biden?”

“I was in charge of the songs: you know, like at Trump rallies. I also choose the campaign theme song and other songs for special occasions.”

“Name a special occasion and the song you choose.”

“Well, take Valentine’s Day. I choose “My Valentine” (3:14).”

“Nice song. I can see why they hired you. So, you said you switched parties, is that correct?”

“Darn tootin’. Open borders? Who needs ‘em? Bunch of nitwits if you ask me. A sea of nitwits, every day making everything worse, for cryin’ out loud. Corrupt nitwits at that. And the crime, are you kiddin’? I just couldn’t take any more so I quit, but not before I gave Let’s go Brandon a song for his next campaign, which they said they liked.”

“Well, that’s great. Always go out on top, right?”

“Yes. They were happy and so was I. So, now I’m a MAGA and proud of it.”

“Well, good for you and we’ve run out of time, so this is your Roving Reporter, on behalf of Dea, wishing you all a goodnight. We’ll play your choice for Biden’s reelection campaign during the closing credits. Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

Thank Heaven for Little Girls” (2:36)

Roving Reporter

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  1. Welcome to MAGA country, Joe Smith :)

    That said, I hate to be the bearer of bad news so soon but soon to be President again Donald J. Trump doesn’t need anyone to be in charge of songs for his rallies.

    Why not, you ask?

    Because MAGAs are in charge of songs for his rallies. For example, at Trump’s rally in Texas last Saturday, MAGA’s spontaneously began singing our National Anthem and soon to be President again Trump just stood on the podium in awe.

    I don’t think any song can top our National Anthem, do you Joe? Didn’t think so.

    1. James,
      You should have addressed your comments to Dea Smith instead of Joe Smith (no relation).
      Dea Smith could offer an excellent suggestion for National Mule Day (Oct. 27).