by Roving Reporter, ©2022

(Oct. 7, 2022) — “Peggy Sue Got Married Track 1” (3:28)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Today’s guest is Aija Rybinski, the CEO of ‘Let’s Make it Up,’ commonly known as ‘LEMUP.’ Did I pronounce it correctly?”

“I’m afraid not, Mr. Roving. It’s pronounced as if one were saying, ‘Louisville’; you slur it as ‘lemon-up.’ So nice to be on ‘Pulse’…, no, let me say it: ‘the most-watched information show in its time slot.’ I used to watch you back in the day when you were in a ‘burb of Chicago, across the street from the train depot, waylaying commuters.”

“One busy sidewalk, back then. I was up there a year ago; quiet as a mouse these days. Nobody is going to the big city, just riding back and forth from one ‘burb to another. So, you’re the CEO?”

“I am. It’s a very successful company and it would be a fun and rewarding occupation if it weren’t for the lowlife bums that pay for our unique service.”

“Ans what, pray tell, would that service be?”

“Lawsuits, frivolous meaningless lawsuits to shake down innocent victims, that’s what. It’s 50-50 between individuals and businesses.”

“Mind giving us an example?”

“For sure. Let’s say you’re Irish and are offended that the Chicago River is dyed green on St. Patrick’s Day. You come to us and we suggest you go to City Hall and say that they’re desecrating the image of the ‘Emerald Isle’ and, since that ‘offends’ you, pay $10 grand or you’ll sue. So, they pay and we get 10%.”

“So, the word was, what? ‘Emerald Isle?’

“You got it.”

“Any others?”

“Anything to do with the American Indian is good, as are pseudo-racist words which aren’t, but the ignorant cling to them as if they believe the trip to the moon was nothing but a Hollywood extravaganza, the ‘Russian Collusion Hoax’ was real, and Barry Soetoro (aka Obama) was born in Hawaii.”

“You’ve been a very interesting guest, and thank you for being on the show. We’ll take a quick commercial break and be right back.”

Who’s Going to Drive You Home Tonight” (3:53)

“Welcome back. With us is a lifelong Dem who voted for Trump; is that right?”

“Right as rain, Sonny Boy.”

“So, no ‘Orange Man Bad?’

“Are you kidding? Because of Trump, I cashed in all my chips the day of the 2020 election and made out like a champ.”

“Any words of wisdom?”

“Just this: it’s too late to cash in your 401’s so you just have to wait until Trump gets back in; give it five years from today.”

“Sounds like darn good advice. Let’s have one more guest after this commercial and then call it a day.”

Just a Gigolo” (4:16)

“And we’re back with our last guest, Miss Dee Nelson, a whistleblower from the wind turbine industry. Welcome to our show, Miss Dee. So, you’re a whistleblower.”

“I think I am; I mean, I think I’m about to be. You see, I was just a secretary in customer service and after my first week on the job I started to get concerned — no, not concerned; more like worried.”

“Worried? What did you have to be worried about?”

“The calls, at least one a day and all about the birds. And the same plea: ‘What can we do to stop killing all the birds?’ At the beginning I told them to stop the blades rotating from sundown to sunrise, but I almost got fired for that and they say birds die anyway, even in the daytime with plenty of sun. I guess the birds don’t expect that what they first perceive as an immovable object can move pretty darn quick.”

“How fast does the blade rotate at the tip?”

“One hundred twelve mph, a speed the birds don’t expect, which is why there’s a pile of dead birds under each wind turbine every day, even if they can see them. Every day, each turbine. Sickening. I would get mail with photos of the pile of dead birds, fresh dead birds and not a cumulative number, a daily number. And that’s all I wanted to say.”

“Well, Miss Dee, thank you for telling us the truth about these wind turbine farms.”

’Bird-Killing Farms’ is more like it.”

“For sure. And that’ll do it for this episode of ‘Pulse’ so, on behalf of Miss Dee, this is your Roving Reporter wishing all of you a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

In the Mood” (3:35)

Roving Reporter  

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  1. You want racial slurs aplenty, head over to The Burning Platform. Granted many are deserved, but not all, particularly a hatred for Jews that I don’t understand by educated people. So I’m either to assume they are either uneducated or college indoctrinated.