by Roving Reporter, ©2022
(Sep. 9, 2022) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Today we’re in New Bedford, Massachusetts, with Abraham Smith, who has some rather starling news; isn’t that right?”
“Right as rain, Sonny Boy. Why, what you expect with no drillin’ and no pipes? People have to drive to work. And another thing: where do you think the electric comes from? Why, steam, that’s where and thems steam come from boiling waters. See?”
“Next you’re going to tell us what heats the waters, I mean ‘water,’ comes from, right?”
“No, I was going to give you my mother’s recipe for blueberry pie; of course I was going to tell you what heats the waters that spins them there dynamos that produce the electricities.”
“You mean ‘electricity,’ don’t you?”
“Now don’t be tellin’ us how to speaks, young man. The word ‘electricity’ means power to your own house, ‘electricities’ means all the house; understand?”
“Now I do, thank you. So, what do you have to say to us?”
“We need oil, right? So, I propose startin’ up our whaling ships, is what. What do you say, ‘Let’s go a whalin’?’ And get the NAVY in on it; they got them submarines.”
“So, let me get this right: you’re proposing that the United States Navy hunt whales with nuclear submarines to get, what, whale oil?”
“What are you, deaf (pronounced ‘deef’)? Look, I wrote this while I was waitin’ for you to show up:
Democrats’ Denial Disease
There was never a Russian Collusion,
yet many still believe there was.
Masks don’t protect against a virus;
only idiots wear them now.
Covid-19 is the Chinese Flu thanks to
Fauci and Birx.
There was no need for any lockdowns.
Inflation has one cause: the increasing
cost of a barrel of oil.
We used to be energy-dominant,
now we are beggars of oil.
But New Bedford folks have the answer,
What do you say we go a-whalin’?
“Like it?”
“For the first time in my life I’m speechless, I kid you not.”
“Yes, but do you like it?”
“This is your Roving Reporter, along with Abraham here, wishing you all a goodnight from a town that’s rich in the history of whaling: Goodnight.
“I got to get out of here.”
“I was countin’ on a free burger from you, Mr. Rovin’. Isn’t that what you do, treat you guests to a burger after the show?”
“Oh, sure, where do you propose?”
“We wander on down a ways to the church yonder and out back we’re having a cookout welcoming you. It’s the least we can do for saving our economy.”
“What do you mean, you’re going out in the submarines to hunt the whales?”
“Why not? The Japanese never stopped, so why should we?”
“Whale Song for Kids” (1:32)