by Roving Reporter, ©2022
(Mar. 13, 2022) — “Have You Heard” (2:30)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Because it’s so gosh-darn cold, there’s no one out here to interview so I’ll hop back in our van and interview myself. I could interview our cameraman but I think there’s some sort of union rule that he must remain behind the lens or he gets quadruple overtime; is that right? He says it is so maybe I’ll interview him while he continues to keep the camera on me. Would that be okay? He says it would be fine except he doesn’t want to be interviewed, that he hasn’t done — what did you say? He said he didn’t do any ‘preparation,’ which is the whole point of the concept of ‘Roving Reporter.’ Okay, okay; I’ll interview myself, then.
“Hello, Roving here for ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. How you doin’?
“I’m fine, but you don’t look so good. What happened?
“Nothing ‘happened’; I’m fine.
“Oh, one of those: Rome is burning and you’re complacent. What are you, a professional politician or something, maybe a bureaucrat taking money from the CCP so as to pave the way for some anti-freedom legislation? You ever see a chart on how a bill is passed? What a farce, because in every one they leave out the most important part.
“And what part is that?
“The part about the bribes, kickbacks and payoffs, that’s what. Let me clue you in: Washington – meaning Congress – only works when money changes hands, which is why there’s RINOs; did you know that?
“Explain that one, please.
“RINOs are the Republicans that can be bought as easily as a Democrat. And did you know why Congress is in session so infrequently?
“No, come to think of it, I don’t.
“It’s because of the lobbyists, that’s why. If they want a ski week, Congress is closed for December; same for Easter and 4th of July vacations. They even have a vacation when the Porsche dealers in the area receive next year’s cars.
“So the bureaucrats run Congress?
“And even decide what laws to push down the line.
“Give me an example.
“Child molesters. Look, everyone knows they can’t be ‘cured,’ and if they ever see the inside of a prison the inmates will torture them to death, so our good-for-nothing judges let them go so they can ruin even more lives. I used to date a girl who I wanted to marry but, I’m telling you, there was something missing that couldn’t be fixed: she was molested as a teenager and the guy walked.
“She ever get hitched?
“No, and it’s too bad because she would’ve made a good mother and a good wife to some guy. So, give us your thoughts on today’s news.
“Afghanistan, Ukraine, inflation, open border and every shooting death in our cities are all because of BIDEN, and that’s the truth, the whole truth and nothing but. Spin it every which way you want, but it all comes back to the fraudulent election.
“What about the Teachers’ Union?
“Chamber of Commerce?
“Open border; cheap labor; all Dems.
“Masks that don’t work and never did?
“So if there were not any stolen election?
“Let’s start with gas prices and then go to the border wall and then go to Ukraine and then go to Taiwan and then…
“I get it.
“I get it.
“I don’t think you do.
“Okay, then, what’s the answer?
“Staring you right in the face: Trump can’t be bought. I wouldn’t want to be the lobbyist they pick to try and bribe him, or any of his family, or anyone in the Trump organization, come to think of it, from the groundskeeper at Mar-a-Largo to the Secretary of Housing; forget it.
“The whole ball of wax.
“The CCP own him, lock, stock and barrel. Goodbye, Taiwan and your new washing machine’s computer chip. Bottom line? It all comes back to the corruption of a system that didn’t enforce the checks and balances.
“But who would’ve thought that people would give up their freedoms so easily?
“We got rid of the Draft; we don’t teach history and civics in our schools and we let criminals walk; look at Hillary: lock her up. Goodnight.
“Put the Blame on Me” (2:25)