by Roving Reporter, ©2022
(Mar. 9, 2022) — “Ramblin’ Cowboy” (3:02)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. With us today is the head honcho of the Boot Camp of our army, Major General… Wait, where you goin’?”
“I just learned you’re a Trumpster and think that the election was a fraud. Some American you are, so I’m out of here.”
“Well, if not him then somebody else. You, there, excuse me, Roving for ‘Pulse,’ the most- watched information show in its time slot. We were scheduled to have an interview with the General but he got cold feet; what about you?”
“Only if I can say ‘Hi’ to my mother.”
“It’s a deal.”
“Hi, mom, Danny here at Boot Camp. Miss you and I’ll be home for Christmas, I think.”
“Mind telling us your name and what those stripes mean?”
“Name is Danny and I’m a Sergeant.”
“Let’s see, now, isn’t a Sergeant about equal to a Lieutenant Colonel as far as knowing what’s really happening?”
“Yes, that is correct.”
“Good. I was going to ask the General about the fighting in Ukraine but I think you’ll do just as well. So, what’s your take on how the Russians are fighting the war?”
“Are you kidding? What a bunch of amateurs. It’s like sending the cops into a school shooting: what’s the point?”
“What do you mean?”
“Send in a bunch of cops or send in just two combat Veterans; your choice. Which team do you think would have a better outcome? It’s a rhetorical question, Roving.”
“Oh, okay. So how do you think the Russians are doing?”
“If you think that indiscriminately lobbing shells willy-nilly into a city will win some sort of military advantage, good luck. You fight for a beneficial objective, is what you do, and just shooting to shoot is wasted ammo and gets you nothing, except maybe a Molotov Cocktail welcoming you as you ride into town because you stirred up a hornet’s nest when it wasn’t necessary.”
“That makes sense.”
“Attacking a power plant was pretty darn stupid, too. No ‘radiation leak’ we didn’t have to hear. How petty.”
“So what’s your opinion of the Russian military vs. our Army?”
“I’d have to say ‘even’ as long as we continue to employ incompetent members of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and unqualified Secretaries of Defense, even under Trump. Now if we had military leaders who knew a thing or two…”
“Like Sergeants and Lieutenant Colonels?”
“To tell the truth? Then the answer is an emphatic ‘YES.’ And I’m 100% totally serious. Look, anything above Sergeant or Lieutenant Colonel is military people playing politics, like ‘Don’t make waves’ and ‘Don’t rock the boat.’ Remember Billy Mitchell, the lone voice who pushed for air power over battleships? I made my case: from what we’ve seen of the Russian Army, it’s nothing more than a bunch of psychotic teenagers playing with fireworks: they like to make noise and they like killing defenseless civilians. Kind-of sounds like your normal Muslim, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, and that’ll do it for us and I thank you for being so forthwith, something that I think the General would not have been. So, on behalf of Sergeant Danny here, this is your Roving Reporter wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“The Longest Time” (4:04)
Roving Reporter