by Roving Reporter, ©2021 

(Sep. 17, 2021) — “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow” (2:36)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Before we get to Professor Wert’s reporting on the latest measurement of how utterly stupid Ilhan Omar is, we’ve just made contact with a sailor on one of our destroyers in the Pacific Ocean.”


“Pardon me?”

“I’m ‘on’ the ocean, not ‘in’ it. If I were ‘in’ it I’d be sunk and wouldn’t be making this call. Now, on the other hand, if I were on a submarine I would most likely be ‘in’ the ocean.”

“Okay, so you’re saying, basically, that the ship you’re on is floating on the Pacific Ocean. Glad to have you on ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. Please state your name and tell us why you called.”

“Name is Jim and I’m calling about the drills that we’re doing. The usual routine is to practice man overboard, fire and battle station drills, with an occasional contamination and collision thrown in to break the monotony. And of course teach the new guys which way is up and down.”

“Which way is up and down?”

“It works like this: the word ‘left’ is made up of four letters, as is ‘back’ and ‘down.’ So if you’re facing forward, the ‘left,’ or ‘port’ (four letters) is on your left (port), and if you want to take a stairway (ladder) up you use the ladders on the right (starboard) side.”

“Oh, that’s easy to remember. Anything to do with four letters is on your left, while all the others aren’t.”

“On your right, that’s correct.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“The problem is that we’re not doing the usual drills; we’re doing new drills. We’re doing the ‘get out of Dodge drill,’ where we make a 180-degree turn and all ahead flank.”

“What’s the other one?”

 “The other one is a two-parter: surrender and cry. First we go dead in the water and then all hands on deck where we cry.”

“Make-believe cry or real cry?”

“Oh, no, real cry.”

“I don’t get it; I mean, ‘go dead in the water.’ What the heck does that mean?”

“It means surrender, while the other one is run away.”

“Who do you expect to be surrendering to?”

“Why, the Chinese; who else?”

“Stupid me. So that’s the plan: you go over to the South China Sea to run away or surrender? That’s our military these days? What’s wrong with this picture?”

“Think Afghanistan on water and you’ll get the picture. Sorry, have to run.”

“Wait, what do you do on the ship?”

“I’m the navigator. Bye.”

“And we’ll take a short break.”

New Orleans” (2:51)

“And we’re back with Miss June Napoli, the nurse for the Capitol Police. So, what do you know that we don’t?”

“I know that Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib need to be deported ASAP, and that’s a fact. Now look, there’s a few patriots who are Capitol Policemen, not all, but there’s a few, and they tell me that the people who visit the offices of Omar and Tlaib are members of the Muslim Brotherhood and outright supporters of CAIR, entities that Egypt and other Muslim countries have outlawed.”

“Have you vaccinated anyone with The Jab?”

“No, of course not; give people brain lesions? What a stupid question; besides, Congress and Capitol employees are exempt from getting spiked.”

“You seem to be pretty well-informed; what is, in your opinion, the most corrupt department of the government?”

“Oh, that’s an easy one: the Department of Homeland Security, and thanks to the Patriot Act, they take great pride in violating people’s Constitutional rights, such as incarcerating the peaceful January 6 election fraud protesters.”

“The other day Omar said something pretty stupid about ‘Islamophobia,’ about not mentioning the treatment of animals and women, specifically all the so-called honor killings*.’ What do you think about that?”

“What a hypocrite; she badmouths the Jews and Christians in every other word and then cries when someone tells the truth about Islam. Deport her, today, now; I’ll even pay her cab fare to the airport.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“And another thing: why are the Muslims so upset about the Jews and Christians? It would be one thing if they would invent stuff that would benefit the world; I mean, how many Nobel Prizes have they earned in the last 100 years compared to the people of Israel and America? And that’s the answer, a big fat ZERO. Had they, or, starting today, focused their attention on the future in a positive way instead of this insane desire to murder complete strangers, we all would be better off.”

“Well-said, and now is the time that June and I wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

[*Honor killing: Premeditated murder.]

[Little People report: On standby with communication blackout.]

Boar’s Head Carol” (2:04)

Roving Reporter

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  1. Muslims should not be allowed to serve in any public office in America whatsoever simply because their religion embodies Sharia Law which is antithetical to the U. S. Constitution. PERIOD!

    Muslims also should not be allowed to even be citizens of America for the same reason.