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“THIS JOB ISN’T AS EASY AS IT LOOKS”

by OPOVV, ©2020

Photo: JamesDeMers, Pixabay, License

(Sep. 23, 2020) — “Boogie Woogie Piano” (1:41)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. For those of you who are not familiar with our format, we ‘lost’ our television studio in the big city due to lack of protection from the ‘peaceful protest mob,’ and that’s when the General offered us the use of his shortwave set so we could continue our broadcasts. We also downsized since we lost our advertisers and now we rely on donations. That’s right, I’m all alone on our corner, under the awning, across the street from the railroad station. Lately, there’s a smattering of commuter traffic since people have begun to realize that China 19 is just another name for the flu.

“But I’m not alone, in a way of speaking. I have a stuffed monkey on a chain and I’m wearing the distinguishable clothes of an organ grinder, although I couldn’t find a hand organ. I have the vest, hat and a tambourine laid-out for tips that I salted with tens and twenties. There is also a ‘FLOOR IS WET’ sign that I covered with the word ‘Pulse.’ So what do you say we get started interviewing our neighbors?”

“Does it bite?”

“Pardon me?”

“Your monkey; does it bite?”

“No, it doesn’t ‘bite’; it’s stuffed.”

“I can see that, but that’s not what I asked. I asked if it bites.”

“No, but as soon as I can I’ll design a skeleton and cover it with the monkey skin that will be able to climb up your leg and bite you; how’s that?”

“No need to be rude, Roving.”

“Oh, so you know my name?”

“Seen you enough. What, you on hard times, with the tip jar that you salted with twenties? Why, you must have a $100 in there.”

“One hundred forty dollars. So, as long as you’re here, may I ask your name and where you’re off to?”

“Name is Chuck and I’m in advertising. I’m off to the zoo to do a job.”

“That’s nice. Doing a commercial to ‘Bring the Kiddies to the Zoo?’”

“I wish. No, they want me to design a flyer, a list of what they expect to have for sale.”

“Oh, so you’re going to advertise for the concession stand?”

“I wish. No, look, I did a preliminary sketch; see here? It’s stapled, but the finished product will be a lot more professional.”

“A picture of a bear on the cover?”

“Go ahead, open it up.”

“Section I, Animal Meat; Section II, Seafood; Section III, Other. What is this, a menu?”

“Go ahead and turn the page.”

“It’s a cut-out picture of a bear with the different parts listed: London Broil; Sirloin: ribs; rump roast. Why, it’s a butcher’s list.”

“That it is, a list of what the zoo will be offering for sale if Biden wins. You see, we learned from Venezuela that Socialism doesn’t support zoos, or libraries and all the other goodies we here in a Capitalist country take for granted. The zoo officials are being proactive in their outlook, so rather than have the animals starve or get stolen, they decided to nip it in the bud, in a manner of speaking.”

“I don’t see any prices.”

“Well, that’s because it’ll be a supply-and-demand sort of thing, just as Adam Smith described in his book, The Wealth of Nations.

“I see. Well, will you look at that? A train! Thank you for talking with us. Bye. You know, if we had a commercial, we’d take a break, but we can take a music interlude.

Piano for Elephant”  (2:22)

“Hello; Roving here for ‘Pulse.’”

“Is that the name of your monkey?”

“No, it’s a radio program. I do street interviews to gauge the nation’s pulse, so to speak. You off to the big city?”

“No, I’m walking my dog.”

“But I don’t see any dog.”

“That’s the point.”

“You wouldn’t be crazy, would you? Like, maybe you’re bonkers.”

“I don’t think so. It’s just an invisible dog, like this leash I’m holding.”

“Oh, right; that makes sense.”

“Now which one of us is ‘bonkers?’’

“At least I have a real monkey.”

“That’s been laying on its side for the last five minutes.”

“That’s because its not balanced; it keeps tipping over so I just leave it; it’s not bothering anybody.”

“If I weren’t polite I’d say you’re bonkers, but I am so I won’t. You want to interview me? I’ve seen you on this corner for the last five years, at least.”

“Okay, but only because you’re the only one in sight. What’s your name and where are you off to?”

“I’m Mr. Wilson and I’m the principal at the high school.”

“So you’re on vacation.”

“Hardly.”

“But you’re not working; why, you don’t even go to work.”

“That part is true, but I’m still the principal and have been getting paid full-time, I’ll have you know.”

“Trust me; as a taxpayer, I know. By the way, my property taxes go up more than the inflation rate.”

“Yes, that is true; keeps up with my automatic pay raises that have to be approved by the school board.”

“Look, don’t get me started on government employees. People like me, we’re the ones that pay you. I say the DMV and every other government agency should be open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. For me to get anything dome at City Hall, I’ve got to take time off from work, only to be waited on by people who have no sense of urgency whatsoever.”

“Oh, you’re one of them.”

“You just bet I am. If I ran a business the way you people run the government, I’d be broke the first year and every year thereafter.”

“You don’t think much of government, do you?”

“I wonder what gave you that idea? Look, what do you say we call it a day and part on good terms. I’ll try and straighten my monkey and you go walk your dog. And I want you to know that I know you voted for Obama and Hillary and are probably going to vote for Biden; that you hate the United States of America and still watch the NFL, but you go off and bask in the knowledge that you haven’t any. Off. And there he goes, bonkers as ever. I tell you, this job isn’t as easy as it looks. And that’ll do it so I’ll just say goodnight: Goodnight.

“Now it’s time to pocket my tips and invite the monkey for a burger: my treat.”

The Organ’s Grinder Song”  (2:51)

OPOVV

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