“A GOOD THING GOING”
by OPOVV, ©2020
(Sep. 20, 2020) — “Etude Op 10 No. 4” (1:47)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. So nice of you to listen in, and for those who haven’t found us on your radio, enjoy reading the transcript of the show in The P&E. As most of you know, our television studio became a war zone when the powers that be said that they couldn’t protect us from the ‘peaceful protesters,’ and that’s when the General offered the use of his shortwave. Hello, I’m your Roving Reporter (RR) broadcasting on the road from Pioche, Nevada, about 300 klicks (180 miles) north of Rack City*, to interview Dave, a cousin of Madam Shylock. Welcome to the show, Dave.”
“Thank you, Roving. Used to watch you on satellite with Marco, named after Marco Polo, my pet Horned Toad. He was trained, you know.”
“No, I didn’t know that. How was I supposed to know that? I’ve never even been here before and don’t know you.”
“Oh, I thought maybe my cousin, Madam Shylock, might have told you.”
“Told me what?”
“That Marco was trained.”
“Excuse me, Dave, while I take a breath to collect myself. Okay, there; what do you say you tell me why you were named ‘Lincoln County’s Entrepreneur of the Month?”*
“What do you say we take a walk around back of the barn and I’ll show you what I’ve assembled. Yes, it is my very own fleet of ‘Puppy Corral on Wheels.’ There are forty big rigs, Peterbilt tractors towing sixty-foot enclosed trailers. Here, let me show you: I’ll just enter my code and out come two stairs, this one here at the rear for entering, and the one on the front-right is the exit stairs.”
“And the card reader?”
“Just swipe your debit or credit card and you get 20 minutes of happy puppy time. Come on in – I’ll swipe my card, see? The screen says I’m to go to corral number six; come on, follow me.”
“So now we’re in ‘corral’ number six but I don’t see any dog.”
“Push that big green button to your left.”
“Oh, so a little mechanical puppy comes out of that trap door with puppy squeals. No real puppies?”
“What, you think I’m nuts? Look, my clients are out of their gourd; they’re the same ones who cried when Hillary lost and when Ginsburg recently died. They are delusional and dangerous at the same time, which is something all of us need to be aware of.”
“So, what, you’re betting on Trump sweeping the election?”
“Of course, you’d be a complete fool not to. Look, you got to be on another planet to support Socialism. Anyway, it’s $10 for 20 minutes and I expect to make a bundle. By the way, all profits will go to various charities, with 10% going to the NRA to fight for our Second Amendment.”
“May we ask where you’re sending these rigs?”
“Of course; they’re being sent where they’re most needed, the strongholds of the Dems: New York City, Chicago and all the rest of the Sanctuary City cesspools where there are illegal immigrants and Muslims. These are for the once-normal Americans (Dems) who will be needing my services, even if they are mechanical dogs.”
“And the mechanical puppies work? I mean, will they soothe the bereaved?”
“Yes, I even tested it myself. You see, last week Marco was pounced on by one of the mechanical dogs and I needed to grieve.”
“And did you?”
“All it took was twenty minutes and I was back like new.”
“What about sending any of the rigs out for the memory of Ruth Bader Ginsburg?”
“That Communist? No, all this talk about women’s rights is nothing but a bunch of hot air. Did she say a word about abortions, or ‘honor killings,’ or CAIR, or the SPLC? What about Obama and the Muslim Brotherhood? No, if people are upset over her passing, let them be upset without my mechanical puppies.”
“Well, Dave, it seems you got a good thing going and I want to thank you for showing us around. By the way, what trick did Marco do?”
“No trick: he picked the trifecta winners at the dog track; that’s how I got all the money for these rigs. And he was a real good companion while watching ‘Pulse’ and then listening to me reading the transcript out loud. I fear there’ll never be another like him.”
“No doubt about it. Well, that’ll do it for this broadcast so I’ll be wishing all you listeners – and readers—a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[*Rack City: Las Vegas: named after the racks that they keep the chips in.]
“Puppy Love” (2:43)