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by OPOVV, ©2020

Luemen Carlson, Unplash, License

(Sep. 11, 2020) — “Victory at Sea Theme” (0:57)

We’re aboard a US Navy Destroyer off the coast of Iran in the Gulf of Oman.

“I’m tellin’ you I saw it with my own two eyes, not thirty minutes ago. He was wearing an eye patch and had one of those fake parrots on his shoulder that he kept inflating by squeezing a ball with a hose.”

“What did he say?”

’I’m a-goadin’, I am; I’m a-goadin’. And then he scanned the horizon with a spyglass:  you know, the kind they used on them sailin’ ships.”

“No way.”

“And then what?”

“And then he says, ‘The heck with this peacetime sailing, I’m going to goad them to come out and attack us, so what do you say we go to Battle Stations? Slow to one-third and inch it closer to the shore.’

“And then what:  what happens next?”

“I don’t know; I got relieved.”

“So when are we going to General Quarters?”

“Pretty soon.”

“So all those drills are going to pay off, I hope.”

“No lie.”

“As do we all. But let’s look on the bright side: we get to do some good for a change.”

“I agree. What do you say we meander to our respective stations and do our pirate Captain proud.”

“If the Captain is a pirate, does that mean we are, too?”

“You bet.”

Meanwhile, back on the bridge:

“Excuse me, Captain.”

“Yes, XO*?”

Andrew Pons, Unsplash

“Nice parrot; does he have a name?”

“Yes and it’s a girl parrot; I call her Cleo.”

“Short for Cleopatra, Sir?”

“You got it. So, what’s on your mind?”

“It’s about this ‘goading,’ Sir. Is ‘goading’ the same as ‘provoking?’ I was wondering.”

“No, not at all; not even close. You see, goading would be holding a stick and waving it, while provoking would be taking that very same stick and, at first, lightly tapping it against whoever or whatever you wish to provoke: big difference, you see. And then, if they don’t respond, poking a little bit harder, like in stages. You see, to goad is not necessarily a means to escalate.”

“Sounds like provoking to me, Sir. I mean, we’re only a quarter of a mile off the coast; why, look at the crew: they’re giving hand gestures to those on the shore. And then look at the cook, with his whites and apron and goat Halloween mask — he looks like a goat, crawling on the deck on all fours.”

“I bought that goat mask myself, XO. Got it when we were back in the States for just this moment. Remember this, XO: it’s good to be prepared.”

“Aye-aye, Sir.”

“And I’ve another surprise. Have the Signalman run this up the mast; it’s the Jolly Rodger, aka Skull & Crossbones.”

“Aye-aye, Sir; with pleasure. It’s about time we started to fight back. Too bad we don’t have a cruise missile and be really proactive rather than reactive, for a change.”

“The simple fact is there’s a billion or so who want to kill us. Make no mistake about it; you can have all the treaties in the world but that doesn’t mean you can turn your back or get off your toes. America has yet to learn what Israel learned a half-century ago: Muslims kill Christians and Americans just as often as they murder Israelis and Jews: it’s a fact of life.”

“Sir, we have a sighting of a possible gunboat off the starboard bow.”

“What do you say we send the heathens to paradise?”

9-11-01 attack on the Pentagon, U.S. Navy, Wikimedia Commons, public domain

Meanwhile, back in the States, we have Muslims in Congress, in every aspect of government and even in our military, which begs the question: How stupid are we?

Any other country in any other time would deport those who are not with them 100%, so why don’t we? Islam is a political philosophy disguised as a Draconian religion, through sleep deprivation and regulating women as second-class with no rights whatsoever.

By the way, I saw many Muslims cheering the downfall of the Twin Towers on 9-11, on live TV, with the signature wailing noise from the women [“To Aquaba” (3:19)].

[XO: Executive Officer; second-in-command.]

The Lazy Song” (3:28)




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