by OPOVV, ©2020

(Jul. 24, 2020) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Today we’re at the convention center where entrepreneurs, venture capitalists and screenwriters from Hollywood all line up with their hands out, but instead of begging for dimes they’re asking for thousands with the promise of high yields, and sometimes they do pay off, and that’s the game. It’s a gambler’s paradise, so what do you say we take a walk down the midway and see what the wares are?”

“You, sir, you look like a smart dude so let me introduce you to the opportunity of a lifetime.”

“Sorry; had those already and blew every one; just show us what you’ve got.”

“Okay, you’re on. Step into my area and let me show you what you need to invest in. Please stand behind the yellow line and, presto, a complete replica of the statue of Nathan Bedford Forrest that the nitwits toppled; next is the one of Christopher Columbus.”

“Why, they look so real.”

“You ain’t seen nothing yet. Look, I’ll hit this switch to simulate a bright sunny day and, there you have it: hologram statues of any statue ever made. Easily seen in the dark or bright sunlight. Pretty neat, don’t you think?”

“Why, I surely do. How’s it work?”

“See that little box on the table over there, the one that looks like a pack of cigarettes?”

“You’re kidding; no way.”

“Yes; here, let me show you. You can work it with your phone; place it anywhere — as long as you have direct line-of-sight — and that’s all there is to it. Now if you want the pedestal, too, that’s a little bigger, the size of a shoe box.”

“I like it. Who do you think your customers will be?”

“Towns; cities; even the smallest unit is many thousands. George Washington crossing the Delaware is $20,000; with pedestal, $45,000. So our customer base is large communities. But if you’ve the money, you can have a lot of fun with it, too.”

“Give us an example.”

“Well, on the way to work this morning I was driving by a park and decided to have a little fun. So I parked on a side street and aimed the hologram at the entrance of the park to place the statue of Robert E. Lee astride his horse with accompanying pedestal at the entrance to the park. And you couldn’t believe how the people went absolutely ape; it was great. And in less then twenty minutes there was a mob that was bent on toppling the statue, and that’s when I shut it off and came in to work. I should’ve filmed it because the expressions were priceless.”

“I like it. How much is a Robert E. Lee with horse and pedestal?”

“An even $80,000. We have holograms of every statue in the United States and the city of Rome, Italy. The hologram of the Three Coins in a Fountain is one million dollars, but you must consider the flowing water.”

“Have you sold any yet?”

“Oh, yes, and do you know which one is our favorite bestseller?”


“Trump, in living color; life size, and if there’s a breeze you can program the hair to fly.”

“How much is a Trump hologram?”

“It’s on sale now for $19,995.00.”

“Okay, I like it and wish you all the success you deserve. Let’s take a break.”

When I Die, Just Let Me Go to Texas” (3:11)

“And we’re back with Jason who is the representative of a company that represents the insurance industry; is that correct, Jason?”

“No, that is not correct, Roving. We represent the enemies of the United States that reimburse the losses caused by looting and arson, you know, to keep the victims quiet-like so as not to stir up any sympathy.”

“So you have a handout for what?”

“That’s how I make a living.”

“I’m sorry, but your booth isn’t very interesting. Next? Looks like a political booth. What’s this: brochures about retirement and assisted living homes: what to look for? Hello, I thought it was a ‘Biden for President’ booth with all of the cutouts. I’m confused; what’s going on?”

“No, it’s an elder-abuse booth and we’re using Biden as an example of what to look for.”

“Okay, what do we look for?”

“First is confusion, like being a registered Democrat.”

“But there’s a lot of people who are Dems.”

“There you have it: there’s a lot of confused people out there. We collect money to bring awareness to the plight of elder abuse and elder theft, especially in Minnesota.”

“Okay, we wish you well. And that’ll do it for us, and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show, don’t you think? Burger time: my treat.”

You Got Me Dizzy” (2:53)


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