“WELCOME TO SOCIALISM”
by OPOVV, ©2020
(Jul. 18, 2020) — “They know we’re here, so why are we here?”
“Look, let’s make a deal: we talk our way through the next four hours to keep alert, but we have to agree not to go off on ridiculous tangents that lead to nothing, okay?”
“Fair enough. So, once again, why are we here with these rocks? What’s so important about these rocks? I mean, see those rocks over there? They look about the same to me.”
“The Sergeant of the Guard told us to ‘keep a sharp lookout,’ which is exactly what we’ll do. Ever hear the expression, ‘British humor?’”
“Sure.”
“Ever wonder why they make a distinction between British humor and American humor? It’s because it takes more than a thousand years for a people to be able to make fun of themselves without someone becoming unglued. Americans don’t do satire; they take things at face value.”
“Give me an example.”
“I wrote my brother about a comparison between two sport cars and he writes back that they’re impractical; can you believe it?”
“Bet you $5 your brother is an Obot.”
“He is, but the point is that the question of practicability wasn’t even on the horizon. So, getting back to satire, try this on for size: Join the ‘Urban Scouts,’ where people without a positive direction can learn such skills as ‘Burning Craft’ and ‘Mob Behavior.’ How’s that?”
“That’s sick, ‘Urban Scouts.’ You make it sound almost real.”
“That’s satire, is what that is. And if you’re real good, you can even say stuff like ‘The marriage between them was perfect, until he caught her in a lie that was months old,’ which means it wasn’t perfect at all, and for months.”
“I get it. How about making a satire out of us and these rocks?”
“This is what we would call a ‘natural satire.’”
“A ‘natural satire?’ What’s that?”
“Perhaps the most famous one is, ‘We had to destroy the village in order to save it.’ George Orwell warned us what he called ‘Doublespeak,’ meaning saying one thing but meaning another. Like a perpetual ‘Going Out of Business Sale.’”
“Oh, I’ve seen those signs; some have been up for years, at least in parts of Chicago.”
“Is that where you’re from?”
“A suburb, not in the same county; but close enough.”
“Did you know that more people are killed in Chicago each weekend than we kill a week, and we’re at war with these ragheads?”
“Well, I guess it doesn’t say much for sanctuary cities, does it?”
“Or else it says a heck of a lot.”
“Right. Lot of crazy people around, and for proof just look at all the people in Montana who voted for Hillary, a person who wants to confiscate guns; go figure.”
“That’s just it, you can’t. Did you hear what Joe Biden said the other day, about rezoning single-family homes? He’s using Nicolae Ceausescu’s method of urban renewal: bulldozing existing buildings to be replaced with concrete apartment blocks. Welcome to Socialism, which begs the question why anyone would vote for a Dem, doesn’t it?”
“Only the uneducated; I mean, does anybody read the Constitution anymore? Oh, look, a shooting star. Collectors pay big bucks if you can find one.”
“Maybe one will land here.”
“Maybe one will hit us. Ten bucks that says we don’t get hit by a meteorite tonight.”
“Funny. Here come our replacements.”
FINI
“Catch a Falling Star” (2:20)