“ANOTHER BESTSELLER”

by OPOVV, ©2020

(Jun. 9, 2020) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another Pow Wow, thanks to an invite from Chief New Leaf. How you doing, Chief? By the way, where are you Skyping from?”

“’How’ back to you. I Skype from undisclosed location to keep tourists away. We like to sell authentic Indian souvenirs — made in China – from our roadside stands to doughty women of advancing years to add to their ridiculous curio collection* of owls, foxes or bears. This year we are especially proud of our fox salt and pepper set: to open lift tail.”

“What is on the agenda at the Wow this year?”

“We do not abbreviate the word ‘Pow Wow.’”

“Two words.”

“One word with one meaning. ‘Monte Carlo’ is one word to lose money. ‘Las Vegas’ is another; ‘Indian Casino’ means we get to scalp the white man legally.”

“Okay, so what’s the main topic at this year’s Pow Wow?”

“The First Amendment and Constructive Criticism is this year’s topic. It seems if there’s any suggestion of using half of a country’s brainpower (women), that’s a subject that is taboo, and we’re not buying into that malarkey. We wonder at your gullibility to no end: you welcome the very people who you are killing in the Middle East. So you kill them over there and then invite them into your house so they get to kill you here. It is so convoluted it makes my head spin.”

Commercial: “My Rifle, My Pony and Me” (2:44)

“It is also very confusing to us. We have 22+ Veterans committing suicide every day and we can blame the Department of Homeland Security smack-dab on their shoulders.”

“Yes, we know this and more. You welcome a Muslim into your country and give them all kinds of free stuff, from apartments, education, money, healthcare, and foot baths to letting them travel around starting forest fires. We look at you and shake our heads. What’s wrong with you people, anyway?”

“I think we just don’t care anymore, or at least many of us don’t care. I care and you care but the ones that don’t care — well, now, it’s like talking to your cat. My son voted for Hillary so I’m as lost as any of us. He has failed to comprehend that freedoms are dear and real and not imaginary, as if man having walked on the moon was a given.”

“Yes, being a parent can certainly be one heck of an exasperating experience. Trouble is, they have to make their own mistakes and all you can hope for is that they stay out of the slammer.”

“How many days is this year’s Pow Wow?”

“Just the weekend; Friday night was the opening ceremony where we discussed the Bill of Rights and came to the conclusion that even though they may not be in any particular order, without the Second we can’t keep any of the others.”

“Yes, they continuously want our guns, don’t they?”

“They never give up, do they, Roving? First it’ll be a voluntary surrendering of all firearms at police stations, followed by knocking on doors in the daylight hours and then, at night, they’ll bring out the gun-sniffing dogs, and even though a gun may be buried six feet under in the back yard, the dog will find it. Pretty difficult to mask the smell of gunpowder and oil.”

“But if somebody goes to the trouble of hiding their guns, I mean, it kind-of defeats the purpose of having a gun in the first place, doesn’t it?”

“Right, as in ‘Could you wait a little bit about breaking in?’ It sure leaves a woman living alone vulnerable as all get-out. Today I’m giving a talk about PTSD with Professor Zorkophsky via Skype. Actually we’re collaborating on a new PTSD textbook which he thinks will be another bestseller, which will be good for me since I’ll be able to by new tires for my RV.”

“Mind telling us a little bit about the book?”

“Not at all. We go into rather minute detail about how the word ‘future’ has absolutely no meaning. Here’s an example: ‘If you’re around next week, perhaps you’ll stop in for another session.’  They have a rather difficult time telling time, you know.”

“What else?”

stevepb, Pixabay, License

“We stress quitting any drugs, from smoking to whatever pills that may have been prescribed by the VA. Did you know that Zork, I mean the Professor, used to work at the VA? He wouldn’t indiscriminately prescribe pills to anyone who walked in the door, so he quit.”

“Yes, he told us that in an interview one time.”

“The thing is, all the drugs do is mask – cover up – the problem: the nightmares will come and there’s just nothing that anyone can do about it, unless they want to be comatose/brain-dead for the rest of their lives, and if that’s the case…”

“No way.”

“They got to face it sometime in some way. The best cure is a spouse’s love, but that’s a tough nut to crack, especially if the spouse commits adultery. We have many stories – sessions – conducted by Zork, and there is an underlying theme: fear of sleep and the shame of being out-of-control, which is where the spouse enters the picture. If the spouse is as strong as the roots of a redwood, then the foundation of the marriage will be as strong, but if, for instance, the wife doesn’t give a hoot**, then there’re only two possible outcomes: suicide or taking a sabbatical.”

“You mean nuts take sabbaticals?”

“We don’t call them nuts, even though some of them are loony as all get-out.”

“So you get them off the pills; what then?”

“Get them back on track, so it is not surprising to see a forty-year-old going to college as a freshman. So they lost twenty years, so what? Better late than never, as they say.”

“I am reminded of a rescue dog.”

“What a coincidence? That’s in out last chapter. Those are the die-hard Patriots of our country, people who have suffered for years and are not willing to sit back and do nothing. Amputees are among them because, in a very real way, a PTSD sufferer is an amputee in the part of his mind that has been lost to what it took him to stay alive: to get down into the jungle where the choice of survival is that there is no choice.”

“Is that in the book, too?”

“Yes, it is. It’s not the same going to rob someone on purpose, as a conscious choice. In combat there are no choices to be made: either survive by luck or get taken out. Some come back wishing they were taken-out. It’s a tough nut to crack.”

“I’m sure.”

“You had problems, didn’t you, Roving?”

Riedelmeier, Pixabay

“And when I put everything straight, she divorced me. Went back to college and got straight ‘As,’ quit cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, pills, you name it: the nightmares stopped. I remember the last nightmare as clear as day; where I was; the weather; everything. It was like the last clear breath after I quit smoking: took seven years. I coughed up some green stuff and my next breath was as refreshing as a glass of ice-cold pure spring water, it was that refreshing. And I see that we’ve run out of time and so, on behalf of the Chief and my crew, this is your Roving Reporter (RR) wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

Commercial: “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright” (3:05)

“Good show. One thing we have going for us: our guns. As long as we can keep our weapons we have a chance to prevent our becoming yesterday’s Germany under the NAZI PARTY or today’s Venezuela. Burger time: my treat.”

[*curio collection: for some strange reason we started to sell elephants.]

[**hoot: doesn’t give a hoot as in being an adulteress.]

My Rifle, My Pony and Me” (2:10)

OPOVV 

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