“THE LAST CHAPTER”
by OPOVV, ©2020
(Jun. 6, 2020) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. It’s raining cats and dogs so we’re at the bookstore, across the street from the baseball stadium, where our favorite intrepid explorer, Professor Wert, is conducting a book-signing on his popular new book, ‘See America First to Minimize Your Chances of being Kidnapped and Beheaded.’ Hello, Professor, not much of a crowd but that’ll give us a chance for a good interview without being interrupted.”
“And a hearty ‘top-of-the-morning’ to you, too, Roving. Okay, I’m not at Zorkophsky’s level where every book is an automatic bestseller, but we’ve sold a couple of books since Monday.”
“How many?”
“Seventeen, but don’t knock it: it’s my first book.”
“Congratulations, then.”
Commercial: “I Saw Her Standing There” (2:53)
“So we’ve had the Russia Collusion Hoax, followed by the Ukrainian Hoax, Impeachment Hoax, Flu Hoax, and more unnamed hoaxes to follow. What hoax do you think is next?”
“I may be going out on a limb, but I’m going to say ‘The Rocking Horse Hoax.’ Don’t laugh; one of these days Trump may make China get the heck out of Tibet and put the Dali Lama back on the throne where he’s supposed to be.”
“Is that in your book?”
“A whole chapter on staying away from China and Vietnam. Remember, it was China that backed Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge. It is insanity to expect any of the nuts out there to have a ‘come-to-Jesus moment,’ which is yet another chapter. Buy the book; keep it as a reference on world travel and why you should see the USA first.”
“What are your thoughts on England and the European Union? Is that one of your chapters?”
Commercial: “Bubba Hyde” (3:41)
“Yes, it is. I steer travelers away from countries that are on the brink of destruction, which is any that are current members of the European Union. England, I fear, is gone unless they get religion and deport each and every Muslim, something that we should have done ten years ago but, let’s face it, we’re too darn stupid to see the writing on the wall so you might as well get beheaded in your own country as any other.”
“So any advice on seeing the USA?”
“Yes: stay way from states and cities that are run by Dems, to start. Actually, I have maps on how to drive across America avoiding the bad neighborhoods. Here, let me show you one of the maps, here on page 417.”
“It’s a map of the whole United States; why is the State of Iowa in red?”
“Even though there may be a few rational Iowans, there are just not enough of them to take a chance.”
“I see what you mean. It is rather scary, I mean, leaving your home.”
“Bilbo Baggins said, ‘It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door.’ You must be armed. Remember this: the police are a reactionary force, so it’s up to each of us to protect ourselves and those who are unable to, the very young and the very old.”
“You got any kind of discount going?”
“Cost plus 5%.”
“An honest Capitalist?”
“There are more of us than you think, Roving.”
“I’m sure there are. So, this last chapter: ‘I Kneel Before No Man’: care to explain?”
“Kneeling is for church and there’s nothing more to say.”
“I agree. Remember this day in history: D-Day, 1944 (1:43) and all those young men who died on those beaches in Normandy, France. I see we’ve run out of time and so, on behalf of Professor Wert and the crew, this is your Roving Reporter (RR) wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Bubba Shot the Jukebox” (3:07)