by OPOVV, ©2020

(May 23, 2020) — Not a day goes by when I don’t think about the last hour that I never thought I would ever see.

And as evening approaches, I think about fearing the nightmares that I used to have.

As the sun rises I am forever grateful that I made it through without waking up in the middle of the night, shaking with the cold sweats, not knowing where I am, trying to figure it out while looking around for some key to where I am and what’s happening, so I shed tears of frustration and fear. And then I slowly come out of it, my heart pounding as if I just came out of a fight to the death. I’m sitting up in a bed but it takes a while to know where the bed is.

And during the day I am forever grateful that I made it back when so many others didn’t. And a part of me envies the ones who didn’t make it, which is a cross that I must bear alone until my end.




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  1. OPOVV, I understand your situation. I rarely have the wake up with cold sweats and delirium these days but they still come on occasion. Just part of the after effects of serving one’s country. Thank you for your service. At church Friday night the pastor asked the worship leader to sing a patriotic song to honor Memorial Day and also those of us who served and are still alive. He chose Lee Greenwood’s “Proud to be an American”. It was really nice because everyone stood during the song. I felt especially proud to be a veteran.