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by OPOVV, ©2020

Capri23auto, Pixabay, License

(May 12, 2020) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. At the suggestion of our editor, we’re doing a little something out of the ordinary today: we’re playing back some of our most exciting shows, starting with the motorcycle jump over the Grand Canyon. Here you can see me putting on the helmet and starting the engine, and in this shot I’m making my run up the ramp, doing about 183 mph. And then off I go, flying across and then my landing, smooth as silk. And that’s it. Let’s break for a commercial.”

Here Comes the Sun” (3:05)

“In this next clip I’m interviewing Henry, followed by a Democrat on our corner, across the street from the railroad depot.

“Excuse me, Roving for ‘Pulse,’ the most popular show in its time slot.”

“What can I do for you, young man?”

“You can stop hitting the microphone with your umbrella, please.”

“Looks like a squirrel. I didn’t know we had Flying Squirrels in these parts, did you?”

“No, I didn’t because we don’t. What you just swatted is our microphone; see, she’s holding a pole and it hangs above your head.”

“Hanging squirrels? I’m reporting you. My name is Martha and I’m up from Iowa visiting my daughter.”

“I’m sorry, but you have to leave our program; we wouldn’t want anti-Americans spouting on our show.”

“Spouting? I have rights.”

“Not if you vote them away you don’t. Your state backed Elizabeth Warren for president, a liar.”

“But they all lie.”

“Not Trump.”

“He’s a Russian spy; he’s Putin’s puppet.”

“Which is why you’re off the show. Look, let me ask you a question: do you even know anything? Do you know about the Constitution and how it works?”

“I know that it was written by old white men and that it’s an outdated document, and I’ll have you know I heard that on television, so it must be true.”

“So no matter who is on the ballot you’ll vote Democrat, straight down the line, won’t you?”

“My parents were Democrats so I am, too.”

“Have you any idea that the Democratic Party died the day that JFK was murdered? When he was buried in Arlington National Cemetery that’s not all that was buried, or haven’t you figured that out yet?”

“I know that Iowa has the lowest average I.Q. of the fifty-seven states, but you don’t have to rub it in; but we’re number one in high-school drop-outs.”

“At least you’re first in something. Let’s beak for a commercial.”

We’ve Only Just Begun” (3:06)

“Okay, that’s enough of that. Yes, here we are, back live at our corner. Excuse me, Rabbi, but would you like to be interviewed on live TV?”

“How much will you pay me? You know that my time is worth a lot, at least minimum wage. Do I have to fill-out forms – W-2’s, that sort of stuff – and a drug test? Where do I sign-up? Oh, I think I got a cramp in my signing finger. You pay Workman’s Comp, don’t you? I have direct deposit, you know.”

“Hold it, old man. We don’t pay zilch.”

“Ah! How much is a ‘zilch’ worth? I say $15 an hour is fair, but for you let’s make it $7.50. How’d you know I am a rabbi?”

“Let me count the ways. Look, we don’t pay you anything, got that? Let me ask you this: why do Jews, specifically, New York Jews, vote the Democratic ticket? It doesn’t make any sense.”

“You are not a scholar; that’s why it doesn’t make any sense, and why should it? I mean, not to you, but to us it makes perfect sense. Let me tell you a little unknown secret; come closer and I’ll whisper it in your ear: The Old Testament is the original Communist Manifesto.”

“Yes, I know: I went to Sunday school. I went every Sunday for a year and they gave me a Bible and I carried it around the world with me when I was in the Navy, that and my discus. When I was in Greece I threw the discus one afternoon in a field, which was really fun.”

“Which is why we vote Communist. Democrat, Communist: what’s the difference? There is none and never has been. And then Mister Good Works comes along and spoils it all.”

“That’s right: He turned over the money-changer tables in the Temple, didn’t He? He said you don’t need a temple to have a personal relationship with the Lord; He said you don’t need to slaughter animals and pay a fee to pray; that God doesn’t require a fee for anything; that you can ask for the moon and it’s alright with Him.”

“As I said, He upset the cart and that’s all there is to it, so there.”

“And that’s your rebuttal? Seems a little weak to me; I mean, is that the reason why the Germans did what they did in World War II? You just followed orders?”

Credit: CC BY 3.0, OCHA

“Yes, but the Zionists fought back and made Israel an oasis.”

“Excuse me, but we need to break for a commercial.”

Midnight at the Oasis” (4:48)

“So where are the Zionists of today?”

“Not in New York City.”

“We know that. You voted for Barry Soetoro, aka Obama, a Muslim. My God, man, what will it take?”

“We do what we can.”

“Sorry, not good enough, and with that we’ll end our show by wishing you all, on behalf of the crew, a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Whew. Burger time: my treat.”

I Will Follow Him” (2:28)


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