by OPOVV, ©2020

Image: geralt, Pixabay, License

(Mar. 17, 2020) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first so you don’t have to hear it anywhere else. Hello, my name is Roving, and before we start our street interviews, let me read a letter from one our viewers:


As a former military man, you are hereby ordered to cease and desist criticizing our military. Greater minds than you know what is best for our country. Everyone knows that bigger is better, so leave our ‘bigger-than-a-barn-door’ carriers alone. That is all.

Top Brass

“Let me just say that bigger, just by definition alone, requires more resources to protect than smaller. And one last thing about the military: with this high-tech game that the Pentagon plays, no matter what, in order to have an objective secure, you have to have that lowly grunt* on the ground. Now, that said, what do you say we get to work and waylay a few of these commuters? Excuse me, but you look familiar; have we met before?”

“That we have, Roving. I’m Igor, Zork’s brother.”

“Gosh; that you are. Why, it’s been years. How are you and what have you been up to these days?”

“I am fine, thank you for asking, and pray that you are the same. I’ve just completed a play that I titled, ‘The Statistical Bin, the place where unread and misunderstood statistics go.’”

“You mean statistics go somewhere? You’re not on drugs, are you?  Been to the V.A. lately?”

“No, no, nothing like that. I’m fine; really, I am. When I said that statistics go somewhere, I meant some read them and understand while others don’t have a clue.”

“You mean stupid people? Then why don’t you just come out and say ‘Democrats,’ or does the cat got your tongue?”

“Trying to be polite, I guess.”

“And just look what trying to be polite got us: eight years of Barry Soetoro, aka Barack Obama, with four years of Eric Holder followed by another four with Loretta Lynch as our Attorneys General who were supposed to uphold the law of the land, the Constitution, but broke it daily, even to the point of getting some of our fellow Americans killed. Wasn’t worth it, was it?”

“No, of course not. But that’s what my play is about: lies offered as proof of the truth.”

“You mean like statistics?”

“Yes, exactly, and how they’re manipulated. Here, let me give you an example: this Coronavirus has a death rate a lot lower than getting shot in Chicago, but do we see O’Hare Airport shutdown? And drunk drivers kill more people each year than got killed in Vietnam, but do we freak? No, we do not.”

“How about another example?”

“In ACT II I give the example of the Democrats making it mandatory that a single woman raising kids can’t have a man around or she’ll loose her Welfare check, so there’s no father figure to help raise the kids. I then go on and explain that the Democratic Party has been no friend of anyone except themselves, raking in taxpayer dollars to pad their own bank accounts and vacations in Hawaii.”

“I wonder where people in Hawaii go on vacations?”

“They visit a neighboring island, that’s where. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to see Zork’s publisher about getting this play in every school. Bye.”

“See you around. What do you say we break for a commercial?”

Sitting on Top of the World” (2:46)

“We’re back with Norm who is a Democratic Strategist. So what are you strategizing about?”

“How to win in 2024, because there’s not a snowball’s chance that we can defeat Trump this year, and that’s my train.”

“And there he goes, running for the train. Next, please. Hello, would you please tell us your name and what’s bugging you these days.”

“Okay: my name is Betty and my bug is how come Trump hasn’t fired everyone in government who voted for Obama and Hillary? Look, why have employees who hate your guts, right? And not only do they hate our president, they hate the Constitution, so get rid of them.”

“May we ask what you do for a living?”

“I was a teacher — high-school English — but some of the students complained that I wasn’t a Communist, so I was fired.”

“A Communist?”

“I had a Trump bumper sticker on my car.”

“That’ll do it.”

“It did it.”

“Nice to have talked with you. Let’s take a break.”

Keep on Smilin’” (3:57)

“It just started raining so we’re heading to the van. Okay, we’re out of the rain so this is a good time to get another one of those annoying letters answered.

Dear Roving:

A lot of people are becoming unglued that Roe vs. Wade may be overturned; haven’t they ever heard of birth control methods?



Dear Sandy:


Thank you for taking the time to write,


“And that’ll do it for us. Now we all know it’s flu season: happens about this time every year since the dawn of time. We didn’t run around and cry, as Chicken Little did, when he gave his infamous, ‘The sky is falling’ warning; we didn’t do it with the Swine Flu or SARS; and we don’t do it with anything that we can catch from ticks, so let’s all behave like human beings and not like rabid dogs. And so, on behalf of the crew, this is your Roving Reporter (RR) wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“So that’s it. Burger time: my treat.”

[*grunt: the bottom of the totem pole: a Private First Class (PFC)]

I’m Alright” (3:47)



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