“MAKE THE NEWS ENJOYABLE AGAIN”
by OPOVV, ©2019
(Nov. 10, 2019) — “Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, Joe Biden and every baby-killer and Socialist who hides behind the name of ‘Democrat,’ the political party that died when JFK did.”
“Earth calling Roving; you forgot the introduction. Now pay attention. One, two; we’re rolling.”
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the fix your brain needs to get through another day of, well, what do you say we call it ‘the end of times,’ shall we?”
“We shalt not.”
“What the…? Oh, look, everyone, it’s Bishop Dunkin. What are you doing in this part of town, slumming?”
“That I am, Roving, mingling with the lowlife, rubbing shoulders with the employable, and riding the commuter train listening to people talk about ‘Pulse’ for the first ten minutes of the ride. A very entertaining way to start the day, believe you me.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“Take them as they come, Roving. Learn how to be gracious, which reminds me: you can tell a lot about a person by the way they use their eating utensils. But you can tell even more about a person by how they deal with adverse conditions, how they deflect rudeness, and the ease with which they accept compliments, both sincere and otherwise: it’s called ‘poise.’ Well-raised and educated women have it in spades; why, just compare Michelle Obama and Melania Trump to prove my point.”
“Well-taken. So, you came down here for a reason, so let’s hear it.”
“No one ever accused you of beating around the bush, did they? So I’ll come directly to the point: you know had Hillary conducted her life in an honest and honorable way, she would’ve been president, but because of her lies and vindictiveness, her ‘getting away with it,’ her invading Libya and responsible for the murder of what became an intelligence asset, Muammar Gaddafi; her ‘pay-for-play’ financial schemes…”
“Hold it, for heaven’s sake. We don’t have enough time listing Hillary’s misadventures, alright? Now start over.”
“One last*: Benghazi. Okay, I came down here to tell your readers and viewers – you know, I hear tell you’ve more readers than viewers these days – about the old ‘garbage in, garbage out.’ I mean, if all you watch is CNN, for sure you’re going to think like a millennial going to university and smoking that marijuana. It’s not the end; rather, look at it as a new beginning.”
“Start over, please.”
“Okay, then, let me put it to you this way: without voter ID, we’re toast, but with voter ID we have a chance. Do you realize if you take a plastic garbage bag full of aluminum cans to the recycle plant you are required to show a picture ID before they’ll pay you? It’s true. Did you know that when an illegal immigrant is issued a driving license in Nevada they are automatically registered to vote?”
“Yes, we know it’s bad; what else you got?”
“Jeff Sessions running for Congress is the same as that snake that got run over on the road last week. Listening to Pocahontas is the same as watching clouds: they always change. Meanwhile, Joe Biden is stuttering away trying to say ‘3-30-30-3.’ And the others make about as much sense, but the king-of-the-dump has to be Bernie, who left common sense behind when he graduated from a tricycle to a bicycle: he kept falling. And, metaphorically speaking, he still has his training wheels on, because he keeps on falling. Don’t fall, Bernie!”
“I take it you’re not a Bernie fan.”
“Who is, except brain-dead losers? Look, face it: why do you think our Socialism would be any different from anyone else’s? There’s no reason to think otherwise, is there? Just because we’re Americans doesn’t make us immune from the Deep State, is what I’m saying.”
“It took Venezuela just 20 years to go from the most prosperous country in South America to the bottom. And it’ll take us even less, in my humble estimate; perhaps five.”
“Not even: anarchy will take hold immediately, just as if Hillary won: the next day the stock market would crash to zero and there would be fighting in the hallways of Congress. Inflation would be out the window and the most precious commodity would be guns and ammo, more valuable than money, diamonds and gold.”
“I thought you were a preacher of the gospel.”
“I’m a preacher of the truth; I support the Constitution and, after all the smoke has cleared, when the only truth left — what separates the civilized from the animals – is a person’s ability to protect themselves from the animals: we must be armed from an ‘overzealous’ government, number one; number two: protect ourselves from individuals who threaten our Constitutional rights.”
“We’re with you there.”
“But the Dems want to confiscate your guns. You have the right to be safe, and being kidnapped, beaten, tortured and murdered isn’t anyone’s idea of ‘pursuit of happiness’; isn’t that right?”
“Yes, that’s true, but where do the police fit into the equation? I mean, the Constitution is very clear.”
“And therein lies the great divide: the difference between those who take the Oath for real and those who take the Oath just to get a job.”
“That’s pretty low.”
“Look at it this way: if all the police in Portland, OR were ex-military, what are the chances that they all would have looked the other way? It’s a rhetorical question, but the point is made, which is why your police force doesn’t hire ex-military. Now do you understand?”
“You’re talking to the choir, Bishop Dunkin.”
“Yes, I know, but you never know who is listening, watching, or reading these days. Maybe the Pentagon Papers should be required reading for all of our citizens to get a peek at what depths to which the Deep State will go.”
“To start, maybe we ought not to talk about no-account people. Maybe the press ought to deal with adults from now on.”
“Now wouldn’t that be something, never to hear about Hanoi Jane and the rest of the sandbox crowd. Maybe make the news enjoyable again. Look, if these deranged anti-Trumpsters wouldn’t get any air-time, maybe the world would be a better place; that’s all I’m saying.”
“And you said it very well, Bishop Dunkin. Protect the Constitution by keeping us armed, is what it comes down to.”
“And don’t give those nuts the time of day.”
“A-men.”
“That’s my line, but then again, it’s really all of ours, isn’t it?”
“Well-said, Bishop Dunkin. And remember, ‘free’ isn’t free: somebody has to pay for it; after all, the Piper must be paid. It’s just another way to eliminate the middle class: tax them to death. Well, I see that our time is up and so, on behalf of the crew, this is your Roving Reporter wishing all of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[*another last: Uranium One; so, Hillary, who was it that colluded with the Russians?]
“Crazy” (2:45)