by OPOVV, ©2019

(Nov. 1, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place where we really like to go out of our way to offend as many as possible. Hello, my name is Roving, as in Roving Reporter (RR), and we’re back on our corner, under the awning, across the street from the railroad depot where we pounce upon unsuspecting commuters and ask them what’s bugging them these days. Here comes one now. Excuse me, Roving for ‘Pulse,’ the most entertaining show you’re likely to find amidst all this confusion perpetrated by the sleazy Dems such as Adam Schiff.”

“I’ve heard about you; ‘Pulse’ is the first thing we commuters discuss – sitting on the train — did you know that? Oh, yes. Some of us still get you on TV but most read you in The P&E at our convenience. You are quite entertaining, in a way. I got a question for you: is it true that some of our more enlightened schools use ‘Pulse’ as a teaching aid? Be nice if they would since you’re all over the map.”

“Yes, but is ‘all over the map’ a compliment or should I be offended? I’ve never been offended; maybe I should prepare somehow.”

“No, no; not to worry: it’s a compliment, is what it is, although sometimes you beat whatever you want to say into the ground and then sometimes into the bush, or is it around the bush; I can’t never remember which.”

Moses saw a burning bush.”

“That he did. Some say it was spontaneous combustion.”

“Some do say that. Okay, what’s your name and what’s your pet peeve of the day?”

“Tailgaters and people who don’t use their turn signals.”

“I’d say that would fall into the category of everyday. No, I want to hear about the bug of the day.”

“’Bug of the day’ would have to be this impeachment nonsense. You know, don’t you, that there’s a Marine Barracks in our nation’s capital? And there’s plenty of evidence showing that this secret hearing is illegal? I mean, how out-of-touch with the Constitution does it have to get before some real retribution is taken? What’s it going to take before our Marines march in and escort the traitors out?”

“You know, that’s amazing: I was just thinking that very same thing last night. Okay, he had to run to catch his train so let’s break for a commercial.”

Higher and Higher” (3:13)

“Excuse me, Roving here for ‘Pulse.’ Would you care to be interviewed on live TV?”

“Why did you pick on me? There are plenty of other people walking by.”

“We like to get the woman’s perspective whenever we can.”

“Well, good for you; I mean, good for you. I know you’re going to ask me my pet peeve, but before you do, I’d like to say that Minnesota may be the most obviously corrupt state in the union. They were the ones who accepted the ‘found’ votes in the trunk of a car; they were the ones who accepted votes from felons and illegal immigrants; and they were the ones who put the Obamacare vote over the top so everyone in the Union suffered equally.”

“Wow; that was a mouthful. So, what’s your name and what do you do for a living?”

“My name is Pam and I’m a ‘namer’: name-er: someone who puts a name to a number. For example, a car chassis may have a number of 10547 and I put a name to it. If that chassis has a truck body I may call it ‘The Brute,’ while if they attach a sedan body I may call it ‘The Svelte,’ but it won’t end up with that spelling. I’ll Americanize it so it’ll be ‘Svelt’; ‘Svealt’; or, for the sporty model, ‘Svealtte.’”

“For real?”

“They pay me: I cash the check and it’s good.”

“Who pays you?”

“Anybody and everybody. Why, just last week a snowblower company asked me to name their top-of-the-line product and I came up with ‘TF,’ which stands for ‘Trauma Flurry.’”

“I like that. So, Pam, what’s bugging you these days?”

“You mean to ask, ‘What’s bugging me these days besides the childish antics of our Congress?’ I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t want to hear anything any Democrat has to say ever again, and here’s my train. Oh, did you happen to notice that Ilhan Omars Halloween costume? Bye.”

“And off she goes. Let’s have another commercial and fit in one last bothering someone.”

The Long and Winding Road” (3:38)

“Okay, for the last interview of the day we have Mel, who is a mechanic for the county airport. So, Mel, how goes it at the airport these days?”

‘Same as yesterday, which was the same as the day before. It’s a great job and I’m proud to serve my community.”

“Okay; what do you do?”


“Right. Like, what’s your job and what do you do?”

“Oh, that. Well, let’s say a county vehicle comes in with a problem; say it’s a Chevy, okay?”


“So I call one of the Chevrolet dealers in the county  — I like to spread the work around — and they come and get it – tow it to the dealership on a flatbed: I insist on flatbeds – where it gets repaired properly with genuine OEM parts. Nothing is too good for our taxpayers.”

“But you don’t do any of the work yourself?”

“Couple of years ago I fired up the air compressor and inflated a tire on one of the airport fire trucks. Got a citation for a ‘Job Well Done’ certificate.”

“How many people work in the mechanics department at the airport?”

“Well, before 9-11 we had eight, but since then – with all that federal money floating around – we upped it to an even 80, plus we have a new and improved facility. We used to have to go outside in the elements – you know it gets hot and then it gets cold – but with our 16-bay drive-through garage we stay cool in the summer, warm in the winter and dry all the time. Great improvement. We now boast six pool tables and four ping-pong tables for employee relaxation.”

“I’m speechless.”

“They threatened to privatize us but after we took the county commissioners for a full fifty-cent tour they changed their minds.”

“I’m almost afraid to ask, but are you busy?”

“Busy? It’s a rat race, is what it is, or it used to be until I introduced the rotation system. Before, a county employee had to make an appointment to get any work done on a county vehicle but now there’s no wait at all: none. If your number comes up to call a dealership, then, them’s the breaks, as they say. If it’s your turn to call, you call, or else ask somebody else to call. Well, maybe you’re lining up to sink the eight-ball or you’re playing darts; you wouldn’t want to be interrupted, now, would you? Look, I’ve got to get to work; I’m number 19 today on the call list. Bye.”

“Goodbye. And that’ll do it for us and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight, but before I do, I’d like to say something about the behavior of the Democrats and all the others who suffer from Trump Derangement Syndrome.

“We tried to reason with Dems  — I’m talking about The View’s viewers and their ilk – by pointing out that there was no Russian Collusion*. We tried to explain that there has never been a treasonable offense by President Trump, yet the Dems haven’t listened to one word we’ve said. Dems are so filled with hate that they believed the lies — that’s been deposited into their psyche by our enemies — and they bought hook, line and sinker. To be as coherent and plain as I can possibly be, we’re sick and tired of it; we’re sick and tired of Socialists. Be forewarned: if any Dems try and take my MAGA hat it’ll be a very painful experience for them.

“It was the Dems’ hate and unreasonable actions that led us to this action: the Dems backed us into a corner where talk has become meaningless and violence is the only language that they’ll ever understand: call it The Riot Act. Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

[*Russian Collusion: and the hoax went on, every day for over two years. Have they admitted that they were wrong and apologized? Will they ever?]

Galveston” (2:39)


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