“YOU CAN’T SERVE TWO MASTERS”
by OPOVV, ©2019
(Sep. 13, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the place where you’ll only find the truth and none of this ‘feel-good’ nonsense that the Obama, Hillary and anti-Constitution supporters swoon over. Hold on! What’s happening over there? Those kids are attacking that couple with the MAGA hats. Come on; follow me. And keep that camera rolling!”
“Thanks for helping. I thought we were goners; that’s for sure. I was going to start, well, all I can say is that you very well may have saved their lives, and that’s all I’m going to say.”
“Where are you folks from?”
“Mississippi, little place up Interstate 59. We come up once a year to visit your fine museums. Culture down South means molded cottage cheese, and when you ask somebody where you can see some good paintings they say, ‘Oh, that’ll be the yellow house on Elm Street. Just painted last year, or was it the year before?’ It’s sad what government education has done to this country.”
“Are you two okay? Maybe we’ll ride along with you as you ride the train to the city; get an out-of-towner’s perspective sort of thing.”
“Fine with us. Look, I got a question for you and I hope you won’t get upset, but while those kids were harassing us, those two cops just stood by and watched. What gives?”
“I’m not too sure when it started, but it was definitely in the 1970’s when they put a moratorium on hiring ex-military as policemen. You see, military people serve the Constitution and, as they say, you can’t serve two masters.”
“Mind saying that in English? Oh, sorry, I’m Paul and this here is my wife, Lucy.”
“Name’s Roving; how do you do? In English the mayors are the boss of the police, like when a natural disaster strikes it’s the mayor-in-charge sort of thing. But when the mayors found out they couldn’t order cops to look the other way while laws were being broken, I mean, the ex-military wouldn’t go with the program, so they were phased out. A good example was when we had those Occupiers camping out on city sidewalks and even on city streets. Completely ignored the signs that said NO OVERNIGHT PARKING.”
“I remember that, and the cops didn’t enforce the laws, did they?”
“They were ordered not to by their bosses.”
“So what good are they?”
“Figure there are some good cops, and that’s the best we can hope for. The really bad guys in our country are the judges, if you ask me; completely incompetent. But, like what recently happened in Portland, Oregon; people getting beat-up and the cops just stood by collecting overtime.”
“And not one ex-military?”
“Not one. Protecting their pension is the name of the game, sorry to say. The good cops usually quit after a few years, and that’s too bad, ‘cause those are the ones we need to stay. Hey, I got to break for a commercial; be right back.”
“Gotta Serve Somebody” (6:22)
“How long you two been married?”
“Almost forty years.”
“What’s the secret for your success?”
“Well, neither one of us cheated, for starters, and I guess that’s it. Every day we say to one another how amazing we are, being together and all.”
“Good for you. So what’s your pet peeve of the day, I mean, country or worldwide?”
“Well, I think having any sort of meaningful talks with the Taliban is about as productive as changing a Muslim’s mind on accepting Israel as a legitimate country or a Democrat believing that Barry Soetoro, aka Barak Hussein Obama, was born in Kenya by a father who was a British subject.”
“Well-said. Lot of Republicans from where you’re from?”
“Look, I know this sounds racist, but the smart ones are Republicans and the ignorant lazy bums are the freeloaders.”
“You mean the Democrats.”
“That’s what I said.”
“Anything else?”
“This treaty with Mexico is not a good deal for us at all. Okay, trade-wise it’s an improvement; we all understand that, but what we don’t understand is why we can’t execute people who molest our children, rape our women and murder us. Look, do we go into their country and do the same to them? No, we don’t, so why do they sneak across our border and do us in?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t answer that for you. I guess I would say because they can. They come here and molest our kids, daughters and wives, cut us to pieces with machetes and drive drunk because where they came from it’s a culturally-acceptable behavior trait.”
“Why, you know you’re beginning to sound like that Professor?”
“You mean Zorkophsky? No way.”
“I’m telling you. And look, we’ve arrived. Nice to have talked with you, Mr. Roving.”
“Likewise; stay safe.”
“And speaking of safe, you can pass all the gun laws under the sun, but if the bad guys don’t buy into the program, you’re just whistling Dixie. Am I making myself clear?”
“Clear as a whistle. Hey, will you look at the time? And so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Let’s grab some burgers: my treat.”
“DIXIE” (2:52)