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by OPOVV, ©2019

(Mar. 18, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the one stop your brain needs to stay abreast of the news. Hello, I’m your Roving Reporter (RR) and I’ll be your host while we respond to Pastor Dunkin’s gracious invitation to the premier of the long-awaited and anticipated requiem for a dismally-failed conservative news source: FOX NEWS.

“Hello, Pastor Dunkin, how you doing tonight? Thanks for the invite. But golly, you’ve got, how many, a dozen searchlights?”

“A baker’s dozen, Roving. I just hope the helicopters don’t run into each other. Quite a crowd, wouldn’t you say?”

“It certainly is; and this is by invitation only?”

“Yes, sir. Ever since they came down like blockbusters on Judge Jeanine Pirro, we accelerated this opening night — which was originally scheduled for July 4th  down at the bandstand next to the lake.”

“So when did you compose this masterpiece — I mean, you didn’t do it overnight.”

“No, I didn’t write it on the spur of the moment; it was written months – perhaps a year – ago; I just changed the title from ‘The Lonely Cowboy from the Suburbs of the Midwest Travels’ to ‘The Pecos National Historic Park riding a 400-Horse Corvette.’”

“So, let me see if I’m understanding you correctly: you kept the music but changed the name?”

“Yep, sure did and here we are at the gala event.”

“Excuse us while we take a short break.”

Bohemian Rhapsody” (6:02)

“And we’re back.”

“Excuse me, Roving, perhaps I should’ve mentioned it sooner, but since I own the copyright of the music, I can’t financially afford to let it flow out there in Neverland.”

“So, what are you saying? We can’t come in and broadcast it? Is that what you‘re saying? You had us come down here to hype your symphony; is that what’s happening?”

“Not at all, Roving. Why don’t you do an on-the-street interview of some of these people waiting in line? Like the old adage: when you have meat, make meatballs.”

“What a great idea; when all you have is lemons, make lemonade. Okay, let’s see if we can salvage this broadcast. Hello, Miss, Roving here for ‘Pulse.’”

“Hello, Roving. Isn’t this exciting: Americans giving Fox the – can I say ‘bird?’ I can’t? Okay, we’re here at this gala premier of ‘Requiem for Fox’ to show our support for Judge Jeanine; that we back her 110%; and we’re not watching one second of Fox until the good and admired Judge is back on board, along with a sincere and heartfelt apology from Fox.”

“Okay, let’s see a show of hands from all who agree with her. Wow; I’d say that’s a clear 100%. Okay, let’s move on down a-ways. Hello, sir, Roving for ‘Pulse.’”

“I know who you are; we all know who you are; we’ve seen you up in the balcony recording often enough. Great event, wouldn’t you say? The searchlights are a nice touch. So, how can I be of help?”

“What’s your name and what’s your take on Judge Jeanine’s disrespect by FOX?”

“My name is Admiral* Jefferson and as far as FOX goes, it doesn’t; ancient history.”

“Are you really an Admiral?”

“One-hundred-percent Admiral; parents wanted an Admiral in the family so they named me one, and then I became one. I joined the Navy, and before I knew it I had my own office and a secretary in the Pentagon. Thirty-year-man.”

“Ever serve on a ship?”

“No, never. The closest I came to a ship was at one of the model ships they have at the museum. By the way, I was the longest-serving Admiral in the Navy, or, for that matter, any navy: 29 years, 9 months.”

Congratulations. I’d ask you if you ever actually did anything while you were an Admiral, but I’m afraid of the answer so I won’t ask you that question.”

“Thank you. By the way, I actually did do one constructive task while in the Pentagon. For instance, I proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is NOT the dumbest female on the planet: she has an equal in Dr. Dena Grayson.”

“Now I’m sure everyone, Democrat and Republican alike, can agree with that. And now it’s that time to wish you all, on behalf of the crew, a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Another great show, don’t you think? Burger time: my treat.”

[*Admiral: reference to Joseph Heller’s book Catch-22]

My Sweet Lord” (4:40)


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