“THE NEW LOWEST”
by OPOVV, ©2019
(Mar. 17, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place for your mind to run to for a little bit of peace and quiet. Hello, my name is Roving and I’m glad you could make it. And here we are, back on our corner, under the awning, across the street from the railroad station where we waylay our unsuspecting neighbors as they serenely go about their day. Excuse me, Miss, care to be interviewed on live TV?”
“Are you kidding? What TV? All the satellite and cable stations dropped you like a hot potato, all because you kept on with Obama’s fake birth certificate and LTC Terry Lakin being denied his Constitutional rights by demanding to see Obama’s real birth certificate.”
“So? What’s your point, or would you like me better collecting a big paycheck because I lie for a living?”
“Well, not if you put it like that.”
“That’s what Rachel Maddow and all the Democratic candidates do: lie. Look, there’s no Russian Collusion, yet we still hear the same old broken record. I’m telling you, I’m sick of it; what do you think?”
“I think I’m sick of it, too. And I’ll go you one step further: if I hear anything about Russian Collusion that doesn’t mention Hillary or Obama, I may become unglued; trust me.”
“Okay; so, what’s your name and what are you up to today?”
“My name is Gwen and I’m off to the Art Institute.”
“So, Gwen, what’s your take on the death penalty?”
“Today we have the means to convict the guilty*, so let’s get on with it and do it. Here’s the problem: if ‘life’ meant ‘life,’ then that’s fine; but ‘life’ doesn’t mean life, does it? It means 20 years, maybe less. I’m not going to get in a philosophical discussion about the odds of a Benevolent Dictator, a truthful District Attorney, a non-corrupt Parole Board, or an honest Prison Warden, but this I will say: our prison system is based on a flawed model.”
“Well, what model would you suggest?”
“The Japanese figured it out: run prisons exactly like our World War II Boot Camps.”
“Toe the line?”
“You got it, Roving. And here’s my train; bye.”
“See you around. Let’s take a commercial break.”
“The Sound of Music” (1:51)
“Excuse me, sir, care to be on live TV? Roving here for ‘Pulse.’”
“For sure; used to watch you until they yanked you.”
“They didn’t ‘yank’ me: I quit. So, what’s your name and what are you up to today?”
“Name is Ted and I’m going to the Science and Industry Museum to admire the model ships they have on display in the basement; also I like to watch the giant pendulum.”
“Sounds great. By any chance, do you keep abreast of the world news, and if so, what’s your take on what’s going on?”
“Sorry, here’s my train. I’ll just say people are a lot dumber and less informed than when I was a kid; no one reads anymore, is one reason, and the other reason is that the news from the TV is about the same. I mean, look at Fox censoring Judge Jeanne Pirro for speaking the truth. Oh, by the way, not that this means anything, but some of the producers at Fox are Muslim: small world; welcome to Creeping Sharia.”
“So Fox News isn’t quite as honest as they pretend to be?”
“Not a chance, especially since they spin the spin. Bye.”
“Bye. Time for one more? After the break? Be right back.”
“Clear Blue Sky” (2:53)
“Okay, who’s next? Hey, what’s your name and what are you up to today?”
“Name is Murray and I just got out.”
“Got out of what? Jail? The Army?”
“Prison. Was up for campaign fraud. I’ll make a long story short: ran for office, didn’t win and that was that.”
“So how’d you end up in the slammer?”
“An honest mistake. We took donations by credit card, right? So we just assumed a donation for June was automatically renewed for July, and so on. Like I said, an honest mistake.”
“Let me ask you this: were you serious about being a politician?”
“For sure, it’s the job with the most gravy in the world. Think about it: parties every night of the year: it’s called the ‘Food & Booze Circuit.’”
“Here’s a question about prison: what’s the hierarchy in the joint?”
“Well, the top of the ladder are those who are connected: you know, mobsters.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because they have immediate access to the outside, that’s why. Let’s say you want to send flowers to your wife: presto, she’s got them that afternoon, or sooner.”
“And the lowest?”
“Child-molesters used to be at the bottom, but recently they’ve moved up a notch because of judges who ALLOW these creeps to run free, so the judges, or those who have a direct say, are now the new lowest.”
“Just curious, but what if the Governor of California ever made it to prison? Where would he be rated?”
“Oh, you mean Gavin Newsome? He’d be at the bottom; at the very bottom. You see, he had a chance to carry out some semblance of justice but couldn’t act like a man. If he were a man he’d let Polly Klaas’s father at the murderer of his daughter. I understand the Chinese perfected an execution method called ‘Death by a Thousand Cuts.’”
“So, let me ask you this: is there a moral in this prison hierarchy?”
“You bet: leave them kids alone. And here’s my train; going to the Museum of Natural History, my favorite museum, that I haven’t seen for quite awhile. Here comes my train. Nice talking with you.”
“Bye, Murray. I’d like to say one more thing: all these Democratic candidates, I have but one question: where’s the money coming from? Saudi Arabia? Muslim Brotherhood? Chamber of Commerce? You see, Trump doesn’t need outside money, but they do. Well, I see it’s that time, on behalf of the crew, to wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. So much for Fox News. Burger time: my treat.”
[*convict the guilty: surveillance cameras, DNA, etc., all assist in a proper conviction.]
“Remember Then” (2:09)