“THE DARK SIDE”
by OPOVV, ©2019
(Jan. 29, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ your brain’s excuse to just sit back and take it all in. Our new motto is: ‘Let Us do the Thinking.’ Wait; I’m getting some noise here in my earpiece. Sorry, my producer just told me to retract my new motto and for me to apologize for even suggesting that we act like Big Brother. Okay, will do. Sorry about that. As you can see, we’re back on our beat, on the corner across the street from the railroad depot where we ask passersby what’s bugging them today. Excuse me, sir, Roving here for ‘Pulse,’ the ever-popular…”
“Yes, yes; we know who your are. I mean, you’ve been hanging around bugging us for how many years?”
“Okay, and you have a nice day. Next; next, please.”
“Oh, no you don’t; you waylaid me, remember? And, yes, I will tell you what’s bugging me today.”
“No, you won’t, because I just changed the station, that’s why. You’re like some TV show that introduces a Democratic Strategist: no, thank you; I don’t want to hear it; I don’t need to hear it; and, furthermore, I’m not going to hear it. My wife says I need to hear the other side; the other side of what, the wall? Free this and free that; free medical; free college? Look, nothing’s free: at some time the Piper MUST be paid. Which is why Socialism has never worked and will never work. When the bill is finally presented and the coffers are empty, then anarchy takes its hold and no matter the outcome, the final solution is paved with corpses. Let’s get this party-pooper out of here while we take this commercial break.”
“Ferry ‘Cross the Mersey” (2:25)
“Okay, we’re back with this young lady who introduced herself as Liz. Hello, Liz, and welcome to the show.”
“Thank you for having me, Roving. Cat and I watch your show.”
“What’s your cat’s name, if you don’t mind me askin’?”
“Hercules.”
“Okay, then, what’s your main bug of the day?”
“Well, let me say that I’m a flight attendant and travel all over the world, and before you say anything else it’s hard work and not much thanks. It’s sad to say, but just 1% thank me as they leave the plane.”
“Oh, good, you vented. It’s good to vent every now and then; it’s mighty good for the soul. Okay, so what’s bugging you?”
“Well, as I said, I travel and I’m an American; I mean, I look like an American when I’m in Spain or Japan and, and this always happens — trust me — people come up to me and ask me about America. I mean, everyone in the world takes a personal interest about us. And so they ask me about this Russian Collusion nonsense and why we put up with it.”
“Yes, I know exactly what you mean. When I traveled around the world when I was in the Navy, I had the same experience, and I would try and answer them by saying the American people and the American government are not the same.”
“Me, too. Anyway, they’ve been asking about the Gestapo Goons that paid Roger Stone a visit in the middle of the night. They ask if we think they showed restraint in not ramming the front door with an M1A2 Abrams Main Battle Tank. They think America has gone over to The Dark Side. Oh, here comes my train. I’m off to Heathrow. Bye.”
“Thanks for talking with us, Liz. Let’s break for a commercial before we have one more interview.”
“You Ain’t Goin’ Nowhere” (2:30)
“And you are?”
“I’m Jeff; I’m retired and I wear my MAGA hat whenever I go out the door.”
“That’s not right; he wears it inside, too. He’d wear it in the shower if it was waterproof.”
“This is my wife, Mrs. Jeff.”
“How do you do. So welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the ever-…”
“We know; we know. Look, you want to know what bugs us? You really want to know what bugs us? Where’s this Ruth Ginsberg character, anyway? Why are they pulling the wool over our eyes? What are they hiding? How can she work if she doesn’t come to work, answer me that? So the DOJ strikes again, is that it? Anything to keep President Trump from nominating another Constitutionalist; at least it’s what we’re thinking. And we have to skedaddle: we’re going to the Art Institute to look at the Egyptian Collection. Bye.”
“And there go the Jeffs. I saw the Vietnam Vet the other day and he’d like to give a shout-out to James Carter. Well, I see it’s that time when Molly, our sound-boom operator, signals me to sign off and so, on behalf of the crew, let me wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Gone as a Girl can Get” (3:16)