by OPOVV, ©2018

Photo credit: congerdesign at Pixabay, CC0

(Oct. 13, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the show that’s sure to make you take notice of whatever comes our way. Hello, and thanks for choosing us for your info-view needs. My name is Roving, as in Roving Reporter (RR), and it’s my job to interview our neighbors as they go about their day. I usually stand on a corner in one of the suburbs and waylay people as they walk by, but today it is ‘Pulse’ which got waylaid by none other than Madam Shylock. We had her on the other day via Skype, but how were we to know she was at her mother’s house just a stone’s-throw from our studio? And so, as we were leaving the studio this morning, we got the message and here we are. Hello, Madam Shylock. What’s all the mystery about, and what are all those men in black?”

“Hello, Roving, and you out there in television land. The big news is that, for the first time in history, permission has been granted to film what a fortuneteller sees when they gaze into an approved crystal ball  Those wearing black are security for the special camera that we use – the only one of its kind, by the way – that was found, believe it or not, in a boxcar somewhere just a little outside of Langtree, Texas, in 1898 during a violent sandstorm. There was an archeologist from the University of Chicago looking for dinosaur eggs who took refuge in the abandoned car, and that’s when he found the camera.”

“Did you say it was a ‘moving’ camera? Now what does that mean?”

“That’s what’s on the label: ‘Moving Scope.’ And I know what you’re going to say: the movie camera wasn’t even invented then. Well, guess what? There weren’t even any railroad tracks around, either, and the only way to get to where the boxcar was it had to span at least three gorges 100 feet deep, yet there were no tracks or evidence of previous bridge construction.”

“So it’s a mystery.”

“Even more so than even you can imagine.”

“How so?”

air009 at Shutterstock, license

“Because it was a fluke on what it worked on, that’s what. So they tried it out and they couldn’t focus the lens until, one day, they had this character actor on the set who wore a pair of coke-bottle eyeglasses, and when they looked at the daily rushes, whenever this guy with the thick glasses was being filmed, all they saw was an eye which filled the screen.”

‘Okay; okay, we get it. So let’s get this show going or we’ll lose our viewers. Okay, so I see this old-time camera is all set up to film the answer to my question; am I correct on that?”

“Ask away.”

“Okay: if the Democrats win the election, what can we expect?”

“Okay, for those who don’t get us on TV, let me just explain it this way: we’re seeing [“German Army” (4:52)] footage of Nazis; it looks as if the game plan of Obama’s will just be continued; in other words, the first step will be to abolish the Second Amendment, just as Hitler did in 1930’s Germany, leading to the destruction of the German people.

“But what will happen here is much worse. At least the German people rose from the ashes of World War II.  In our case, we won’t rise because there’ll be nobody left. America will have embraced Sharia Law; therefore, goodbye, United States Constitution, Christians, Jews and all us other non-believers. So a vote for Democrats will be a vote against America; it’s that simple, yet it’s that dire.”

“Anything else?”

“Yes, but the timeline is out of focus, but I see cash deposits required for oil and oil filters. And wait; I thought I saw people actually being arrested for littering. Oh, yes, and look: those who have been issued a citation for littering will be required to perform community service, i.e., road gangs with litter bags. And now it’s really getting out of focus. Wait again: I see a $1.00 deposit required for ALL plastic bottles. And that’s it: it just went dark.”

“So when the camera goes out of focus it’s all over?”

“No; it’s the crystal ball that gets out of focus. You see, the ball is a time machine that sees only into the future. We can’t use the tool to solve murders; only to tell the lovelorn if there’s a Prince Charming around the next corner or at the dance.”

“That’s just great. I’m sorry, Madam Shylock, but our time is up for this episode of ‘Pulse.’ Well, folks, you saw it as plain as it can be: Totalitarianism is a real possibility if we don’t get out and vote Republican. I know my crew and I will be voting for the Constitution; and so, on behalf of my crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Gee; it can’t get any more plainer than that, can it? Burger time: my treat.”

Best Day of My Life” (3:40)


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