“A LITTLE HERE, A LITTLE THERE”
by OPOVV, ©2018
(Jun. 9, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the most enjoyable info-news show in its time slot. Hello, my name is Roving and I’ll be your host for this episode of ‘Pulse.’ I’d like to take this time to thank our crew and those back in the office for all the hard work and the long hours it takes in making ‘Pulse’ as popular as it’s become. I must say, without the crew’s unending dedication to the belief that maybe someone out there will take heed of what we report, I wouldn’t be able to do this show day after day. And that’s that: thanks, guys and gals, and especially to Sharon who, even though she makes me read the letters, I’m glad she’s in charge. And now do you what say we get this show on the road? Excuse me, sir, but would you like to be on TV? Roving for ‘Pulse,’ the ever-popular show in its time slot.”
“Oh, you startled me; yes, of course I’ll be on your ‘ever-popular show.’ My dog and I used to watch your show all the time, but since I had to put him down I don’t take as much interest in the news as we used to. I mean, as I used to. Blackie really liked that Talking Dog; yes, yes, I know that the dog doesn’t actually do the talking; that the dog sends telepathic messages to her Vietnam Vet companion, but I don’t think Blackie cared one way or another.”
“Sorry to hear about Blackie, but I’m sure he had a good life and enjoyed his last years. Let me ask you about Trump’s chances with the North Koreans; what’s your take on it?”
“Look, all dictators are paranoid; it’s the most powerful force driving them, so no wonder this Kim Jong Un guy is nuts, maybe even nuttier than your normal dictator nut. I don’t know. This is what I do know: at least there’s a chance to reach a conclusion to the Korean War and not just live with a ceasefire. Maybe declare a tie and leave it at that.”
“What about the nukes?”
“Oh, that’s a given: North Korea will have to give up its unaffordable nuclear program, and I don’t see much arm-twisting needed, either. I just hope no American dollars are involved; I mean, just look at our National Debt as it is. And here’s my train so I have to run. Nice talking with you. I’m off to the animal shelter to adopt a new Blackie — I mean, a new companion. Wish me luck.”
“God luck to you but, as they say, there are no bad dogs, just bad owners. Let’s break for a commercial.”
“Addicted to Love” (3:55)
“Next in line is?”
“Sheri, and I’m off to work but I’d like to say something real quick, if I may? That’s my train. About this anthem and kneeling. Look, it’s for the country, right? Those who want to cry and whine, like this Kaepernick character, he never served; he never took the Oath; all he did was reap the benefits from those who fought and died for that flag, the ungrateful ingrate. I’m an American Indian so I know what it means to be on the bottom of the totem pole, understand?”
“I have a really good friend who is an Indian Chief.”
“Yes, I know: Chief New Leaf. I’ve seen his RV bus. Anyway, I have absolutely no respect for anyone who kneels during the anthem. They say they want respect; well, I’ll tell you something: respect is earned and kneeling isn’t the way to earn it. No, everyone who ever knelt, here’s a thumb’s-down for you. Bunch of ungrateful bums, that’s what they are; each and every one of them. And that commissioner, too, and the owners.”
“I take it you’re not watching the NFL anymore.”
“Never-ever-never. All they are and all they will ever be is a bunch of little children crying to mommy; bunch of crybabies. And they think they’re men — why, if they saw a real man they would just lie down and cry; ask for mommy: ‘Oh, Mama, I’m afraid because I see a real man and I’m crying and shaking all over.’”
“That was pretty good; you ever think about being an actress?”
“No, but I was in my high school plays. Got to run. Bye.”
“See you around. What do you say we break for a commercial?”
“Poor Side of Town” (3:44)
“And we’re back. Do I want to read a letter? Not really; maybe later, okay? Excuse me, Miss, Roving for ‘Pulse.’”
“I know who you are; everyone does by now. Why, you’ve been standing out here on this corner, under the awning across the street from the railroad station for, what, five years?”
“More.”
“I was on ‘Pulse’ with my mother back then, but I can understand why you don’t remember me: I was still a kid in high school.”
“So you graduated and then what did you do?”
“Believe it or not I’m in the Air Force; I’m a flight engineer on a B-52.”
“No kidding? Well, then, congratulations are in order. So do you have a name or do you go by ‘Captain?’”
“Actually I’m a First Lieutenant and my name is Marsha.”
“Pleased to make your acquaintance, Lieutenant Marsha.”
“Likewise, Roving.”
“So what’s your take on no more swimsuits for the Miss America pageant?”
“You know what it is, don’t you? You know what’s really happening? It’s just another manifestation of creeping Sharia, is just what it is: a little here, a little there. Even President Trump is taken in: he just gave a dinner party for the Muslims, believe it or not, and here I thought he got it: he doesn’t. I think he believes if you’ll make nice to them they’ll reciprocate: never happen. Muslims see good deeds as a weakness to exploit, is all. Heck, they’ve been at it for 1,400 years, a lot longer than Trump. And here’s my train: off to visit the museum with the trains. Bye.”
“Bye, First Lieutenant Marsha. Well, folks, our time is up and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Another great show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Black Velvet” (4:50)