“YOU MISSED A FEW”
by OPOVV, ©2018
(May 23, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the show that reluctantly reports on the imbecilic behavior of the low-life swamp dwellers in Washington, DC. In case you’ve been on the International Space Station for the last couple of years and missed the news, Washington is ripe with lowlife dishonorable people who say one thing but do another. An example would be this question: what percentage of our trade deficit with China has made its circuitous way into the campaign coffers of our politicians? Please excuse us while we take a commercial break.”
“Milk Cow Blues” (5:58)
“Okay, now; we’re back on our corner across from the train depot about to interview people going about their day. Excuse me, sir, Roving here for ‘Pulse’; care to be on the show?”
“Sure thing, young man. Name is Jake; how do you do?”
“Doin’ fine, Jake, thanks for asking. So, what are you up to today?”
“Don’t rightly know, except to say I’m getting fed up to here, I tell you, with the leftwing loonies. I’ve got just one question: how come former Attorney General Eric Holder isn’t under house arrest, at a minimum?”
“You know, that’s a darn good question. I say put him in the calaboose with all the other traitors. And when did a ‘spy’ become an ‘informant?’ That’s like saying a ‘cheater’ becomes an ‘information-borrower.’ I’m really sick of the whole business, I tell you. Here’s my train.”
“Goodbye, My Love” (3:11)
“And we’re back with a gentleman who lived in Japan for a number of years. How you doing? Long time, no-see.”
“That was your idea of a joke? Not so funny. This I’ll tell you: the hopes of all of Southeast Asia are riding with Trump: will he or won’t he rein in the Chinese? Look, I don’t want to appear rude but that’s my train.”
“Well, there he goes. Another commercial? Look, nobody looks at them anyway; they change the channel.”
“I Won’t Be Home No More” (2:45)
“So who’s next? You, sir, care to be interviewed on TV? Roving here for ‘Pulse,’ the new and exciting info-news show.”
“Look, I may be retired, but that doesn’t mean I’m out to lunch 24 hours a day. And let me tell you something: ‘Pulse’ isn’t new; it’s been around ever since Mr. de facto Obama was nominated to be the Democrat Party choice for president in 2008. The transcripts of the show have been carried by The Post & Email for the past seven years so, like Elvis Presley once said, ‘You’re behind the time.’”
“I detect a hint of hostility in your voice. Let me ask you if everything is kosher on the home front.”
“Are you kidding? It’s like a broken record; as soon as the lawn needs mowing she’ll jump on the rhetorical Bandwagon.”
“And what bandwagon would that be?”
“I’ll tell you. So I’m mowing away on my riding mower, right?”
“Riding the mower.”
“And I see a clump of dandelions, so what do I do?”
“You mow around them.”
“How’d you know? That’s right, I mow around them, but not just one; must’ve been 20 of them. So I have a nicely-mowed lawn with beautiful golden flowers here and there. I tell you, if I didn’t know myself better I’d think I was the next Jackson Pollock, with my front yard as my palette, I’m proud to say.”
“But?”
“It happens every year. I mow and leave those beautiful flowers blooming and when I’m all finished and walking in the back door she says, ‘You missed a few.’ You know what? If she goes before I do I’ll put that on her tombstone: ‘You Missed a Few.’”
“You say ‘flowers’ and she says ‘weeds’; is that it?”
“In a nutshell.”
“And every year?”
“I could write the transcript, verbatim, every year, at Christmas, while there’s snow on the ground. It’s the real deja-vu happening all over again.”
“So what are you doing down here today?”
“I’m off to the museum to get mesmerized by the toy trains going around and around: clears my mind. And speaking of trains, there’s mine. Bye.”
“Good luck on your next mowing, eh, epiphany?”
“’Modern Art by a Master’ will work; wouldn’t want to over-do it. Bye.”
“Bye. Well, folks, we left the best for last. We’ve had a number of requests for the Talking Dog; really now: an overwhelming avalanche of requests and all kinds of questions, some that I hope will be answered now. And so, without further ado, I present to you: the Talking Dog!”
“Vietnam Vet speaking, if you don’t mind, but the dog doesn’t really talk. The dog communicates through me and I do the talking.”
“Okay; fine; whatever. We would like to know what the Talking Dog thinks of the Deep State.”
“The dog says that OPOVV had first-hand experience of exactly what the Deep State is all about when he was denied a favorable ruling in numerous Federal Courts to see proof of Obama’s eligibility to hold the office of president. The judges, one after another, ruled no standing, even though OPOVV was a qualified and vetted candidate for the 2012 presidential election.”
“And that’ll do it for this episode. On behalf of the crew I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight. Burger time: my treat.”
“The End of The World” (2:41)