They Want Our Guns: WHY? (RR)


by Chief New Leaf, ©2018

(Feb. 28, 2018) — “How’s y’all doin’? Chief Leaf here filling in for Roving. So this is ‘The Pulse of the Nation’ and I couldn’t be more pleased that you’re glued to this program and hanging on my every word, or you would be if you were at a Pow-Wow and you were of the Cherokee Nation. Chiefs have many powers and since I am a Chief I have many powers, and one of the powers that I have is to either imagine I’m tuning in to a spaceship conversation or possibly really tuning in to a spaceship conversation, like the one I’m receiving now. What do you say we listen in?”

“That’s it? It looks really small.”

“No, you’re looking out the wrong window. That’s Pluto; Earth is out the other window. That blue and white spot.”

“What’s the blue and white made up of?”

“The blue is water in its liquid form and the white is evaporated water.”

“So it’s all water? I didn’t bring my swimsuit.”

COMMERICIAL: “Forever” (2:20)

“No worry; it’s not all water, just 75%, give or take. We’ll be landing in a place they call ‘Florida.’”

“But I read that Florida isn’t safe, that healthy people are dying in great numbers every day. You have your doses of The Downers*; shootings; knifings; and if that wasn’t enough, half the people who have a driver’s license can’t drive worth a hoot (all they do is aim the vehicle); half the vehicles aren’t safe to drive due to some drastic mechanical failure, or just about to fail; drivers (or aimers) are zonked-out on marijuana or alcohol (or both); on some form of doctor-approved pharmaceuticals; have a death wish or, if they’re of the Muslim persuasion, wish to mow down as many pedestrians as the vehicle in which they’re aiming can run over to maim and murder. And you say we’re going to Florida?”

“You bet. We’re going to land in Lake Worth, about as normal as a Florida community there is: ‘home of the newlywed or nearly-dead,’ so they say. Has a large illegal immigrant community, also. As I said, just your normal Floridian town.”

“What’s the plan?”

“Duplicate what the Roving Reporter does; I’ll disguise myself as Roving and you can be Molly, the sound-boom operator.”

“But we don’t have a camera operator.”

“Don’t worry about it; they’ll never notice; they are, after all, Floridians.”

COMMERCIAL: “Last Date” (2:31)

“Where are we going to set up?”

“Right here on ‘J’ Street will do. Ah, here comes a young man now. Excuse me, Roving for ‘Pulse.’

“Got any change, man, like a couple of bucks? I like the sound of a $20.”

“No, sorry, we’re from outer space.”


“Let me ask you something: how come half of you Americans want to destroy your Republic? You think senile Bernie Sanders has an answer for anything? Socialism is the disease, not the cure. What’s wrong with you?”

“Free stuff, man. Like they pays you to lay around and do nothing but lay around and do nothing.”

“Sounds awfully boring.”

“No way because we’re always scheming and watching out for the cops, who are watching out for those snoopy newspaper reporters trying to dig up a story on police corruption. How dumb are they, anyway? If it wasn’t for the police on the take this whole state would look just like Bogotá, down in Colombia: shootings in the street days and nights.”

“So corruption in the police is tolerated?”

“Not only is it tolerated, it’s mandatory, which is why they don’t want any war-hero military types. Look here: imagine you’re being shot at and shooting back, and you think about the Oath and the Constitution, and when you get back home, here in the States that they call The World, these military types actually believe in the Constitution, which is why they get so bent out of shape whenever they see corruption, like that Navy Commander, Fitzpatrick, saw in his hometown after he got out of the Navy.”

“Does everybody know about this?”

“You bet: the trick is to keep it under wraps, not like that idiot Sheriff did down in Broward County.”

“What he do?”

“Ran his mouth out in public; even went on television in some bogus Town Meeting, and tried to divert any attention his way to the NRA.”

“But he NRA didn’t have anything to do with anything.”

“That’s where you’re wrong: the NRA supports the Second Amendment, so there.”

“But that doesn’t make any sense: the school was a gun-free zone so NRA or no NRA, this kid was out to do mayhem and he did it. Heck, anyone can buy a gun anywhere in the USA at any time of the day or night; we may not live on this planet but at least we know that much.”

“Well, you got me there. Come to think of it, Chicago is a gun-free zone, too; so is Paris, France. I guess you’re right: the bad guys don’t play by the rules.”

“I guess that’s the definition of a bad guy. So they think that if they disarm you, what then?”

“Abolish the Republic; discard the Constitution; camps everywhere; death squads; showers; ovens; in your face, and why not? If you’re so dumb to disarm then you’ve no business complaining about it, now, do you?”

Sound of static: buzz-buzz; static-static.

“Chief New Leaf here. Sorry about that, but we’ve lost our connection. Oh, well, time to wrap it up anyway and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. I’ve got Roving’s crdit card; burger time: my treat.”

[*The Downers: morphine; heroin; dilaudid; opium; quaaludes; any of the “-oids”, including cough syrup.]

Hava Nagila” (2:17)


2 Responses to "They Want Our Guns: WHY? (RR)"

  1. JONATHAN DAVID MOOERS   Wednesday, February 28, 2018 at 9:55 PM


    Blame the brain, not the barrel



  2. Doris Fitch   Wednesday, February 28, 2018 at 12:55 PM

    I found a document from UNODA (UN Office of Disarmament Affairs) jest of it says “we must confiscate weapons from hands of civilians so we can finish implementing UN Agenda 21”, this agenda will make us part of a Communist one world gov., excuse global warming/ climate change. Can tell it’s communist because one line says “it isn’t equitable for some to buy & sell property & make a profit when not everyone can afford to”. Elder Bush first signed on in 1992 & every president since has pushed it until Trump, that’s why they hate him, he isn’t going along with the “plan”!!!!!


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