by OPOVV, ©2018

Graphic credit: Wikipedia

(Feb. 19, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the ‘I Told You So Show,’ aka ‘The Pulse of the Nation.’ Today we’re going to try something new; today we’re staying in the office and trygin a televised radio show. What’s that? We’re not? We’re doing a radio show or a television show, but not both at the same time? In the van and to our corner in the ‘burb? Okay; see you all when we get there.

“And here we are. Isn’t editing great? For those who are new to us, what we do is waylay people about to board the commuter train to the big city and ask them what their main concern is. After we get enough footage to fill our program, we grab a burger on the way back to the studio to put the show together to be aired later. We’re to be found on cable and satellite stations in different parts of the world, but due to contract problems we are going the way of the dinosaur: in short, they don’t want to pay us.

“Working for free isn’t my cup of tea and I don’t do speeches anymore. I don’t have the time or the inclination to answer stupid questions. Here, I’ll give you an example. I believe that gun safety courses should be taught in our high schools, and when a young lady graduates, along with her diploma, she is awarded a lightweight-loaded .357 Magnum revolver. So then some idiot asks, ‘What about the young men, don’t they get guns, too?’ ‘Sure they do, when they volunteer for the military.’

“So here we are, on our corner, about to waylay this young lady. Excuse me, please, Roving Reporter for ‘Pulse.’

“I know who you are. We used to get you on TV. Gracie, my dog, really liked it whenever the Talking Dog was on but now I have read the transcript of the program on The Post & Email to her, which, believe it or not, she understands. She howls whenever I read the Talking Dog parts.”

“No way, especially since the Talking Dog doesn’t actually do the talking: the Vietnam Vet does. So the question of the day is contained in one word: Russians.”

“How stupid do you think I am? Talk about trying to overthrow our country, what do you think happens whenever an illegal ballot is cast? Our Republic is under siege a lot more from our very own citizens who vote more than once, from illegal immigrants voting, from felons voting and from election authorities falsifying votes, let alone allowing non-vetted* names to be on the ballot in the first place, so forget about the Russians. FORGET ABOUT THE RUSSIANS, once and for all, okay? Ever hear of ACORN?”

“Alright, so I’ll come up with a different question. Thanks for talking with us. You, sir, care to be interviewed on ‘Pulse,’ the ever-popular info-news show?”

“Not if you ask me stupid questions, I’m not. No way. That lady who was just on was more than correct; was right on the money; nailed it, she did. She has more common sense in her hangnail – if she has one – then Amy SchumerJoy Reid, and Maxine Waters all put together. Arm the teachers; bring back the Draft for men and women and here comes my train. Saved by the horn. Bye.”

“Well, okay. And off he goes. Good time to take a commercial break.”

Buttons And Bows” (2:05)

“Excuse me, Miss, care to be interviewed by ‘Pulse?’ I’m Mr. Roving and would like to ask you your big concerns of the day are.”

“Oh, you would, would you? Then tell the crybabies that if they get our guns and the Muslims take over, the gutters will run red with blood. How dumb are the American people, anyway? Many homosexuals supported Obama when we all know that Muslims push them off tall buildings or hang them from lampposts. And now they want to become completely defenseless? Just because they have some sort of sick death wish doesn’t mean I have to follow. All I have to say is don’t include me in their stupidity, okay?”

“Yes. Good answer, by the way. Why do you think the LGBT community supports the political agenda that publicly calls for their deaths?”

“I said it before: obviously they have some sort of sick death wish. Look, I don’t have a gripe with them, but it sure would make it a lot easier on everyone if they’d get on board and at least make an effort to display some common sense. Hillary didn’t have their best interests at heart and Trump wants to protect them, yet they voted for Hillary. I have no respect, time or patience to give to a lost cause.  And here’s my train. Bye.”

“Okay. Let’s throw in a commercial.”

Without You” (2:07)

“We’re back and the wind just picked up and a storm is approaching fast from the west so we’re out of here, but I’d like to say one more thing before we pack it up.

“This knee-jerk reaction about abolishing our Second Amendment after a shooting is a rather immature and sophomoric view of the world and not as the world really is. The world, in reality, is a very dangerous place. We have a country of millions with a disassociation complex, meaning that they believe that we’re safe when in reality we’re not nearly as safe as we think we are.

“Having said that, I feel as if I can protect myself and the crew. I am armed, as is the crew. Molly, our sound-boom operator, is a better shot then I, believe it or not. We all visit the shooting gallery once a week, usually after our Tuesday morning broadcast because that’s when we get the whole range to ourselves. We shoot 50 rounds per visit; the contest is how many bull’s eyes (holes between the eyes) on a 6’ cardboard target at 40’, 30’, 20’ and two at 10’.

“My editor carries, as does everyone in the office. Just imagine, if you will, had that football coach in the Florida high school been armed, more than likely we’d be reading about one death that Valentine’s Day instead of 17. And now, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Here comes the rain. Burger time: my treat.”

[*non-vetted: Obama]

Little Joe the Wrangler” (4:14)


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