SHINING THE SPOTLIGHT ON CORRUPTION
by OPOVV, ©2018
(Jan. 19, 2018) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the ever-popular news show that touches the subjects that the others are afraid of. Hello, my name is Roving and I’ll be your host for this episode. If you’re watching us on the idiot box, we’re still inside the downtown train station, but if you’re unlucky enough to be reading the transcript of the show, take my word for it: it’s just too darn cold to take a chance on frostbite. What do you say we get a commercial out of the way?”
“How ‘Bout Them Cowgirls” (3:58)
“Due to copyright issues, we’re not allowed to reveal our call letters, or even the address of our main office downtown, but, according to programming information, we’re at the top of our game. What we do is interview our neighbors and ask them their concerns, which we’ll do right now with this gentleman. Excuse me, please, care to be interviewed on live TV?”
“Oh, you surprised me. Sure thing; how you all doin’? Oh, sorry, name is Dave and my dog, Rock, watch your show; Rock howls whenever he sees the Talking Dog.”
“You do know that the dog doesn’t actually talk?”
“Try telling that to Rock. So what’s the question of the day?”
“Are you afraid of a ‘government shutdown?’”
“Are you kidding? Get real, why, 70% of the government shuts down anyway, from Thanksgiving to New Year’s. Look, let’s stop acting stupid and deal with the problem. If half the government employees would take a permanent hike, there would be plenty of money to train our military properly, without the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ wack-o-ness, and the government wouldn’t suffer one iota. Really, there’s no need for a shutdown, but there is a need to make the government smaller.”
“So, Dave, what do you do for a living?”
“I’m in the NAVY. I’m a Captain of a destroyer used for training purposes at the Great Lakes Naval Training Center. I’ve been at it for a number of years and the only time we leave the pier is when we have enough fuel to go around in at least one circle out there in Lake Michigan.”
“Go around in circles?”
“Just like our ships do in the Atlantic and the Pacific when they train: go around in circles, but it’s a lot better training at sea vs. in port.”
“Is there anything you would like to say, anything at all?”
“Matter of fact there is, two things: bring back the Draft and make Boot Camp exactly as it was during World War II, which, as it so happens, is as it was during the Korean and Vietnam fiascos. Excuse me, but I’ve got to run. Bye.”
“Goodbye, Captain, and thanks for talking with us. What say we break for a commercial?”
“Today My World Slipped Away” (3:06)
“OK, let me explain something for our transcript readers. On the TV broadcast we see a television commercial for which they pay for airtime, but that doesn’t translate to any money being given to The P&E, the company which brings you ‘Pulse’ as a PUBLIC SERVICE. Now we’ve got that out of the way, let’s interview this lady. Hello, Roving here for ‘Pulse’; care to be interviewed on live TV?”
“Sure, why not? Do I get a prize? I’d like a new car, but you can keep your trip to Hawaii: too many kooks.”
“Sorry: no car and no trips. How about telling us your name and what you do for a living.”
“My name is Marcia and I’m a Sociology teacher at a local community college.”
“Do you teach anything about the Constitution?”
“Only that it was written by elitists, rich white men, some of whom were slave owners.”
“What difference if it was written by a group of monkeys in a zoo with typewriters?”
“It’s a racist document and it was written by rich white men.”
“Okay, since we’re not getting anywhere, we’ll break for a commercial.”
“Cowboy Rides Away” (3:24)
“Excuse me, Miss, Roving for ‘Pulse.’”
“Hello, Roving and crew. I saw you interview that NAVY Captain. You know what I’d like to see our NAVY do? There’s a lot of Mexican, Central and South American fishing boats that kill manta rays; why not tell them to abandon ship and then sink their ship; same with the ships that kill the baby seals, okay? Did you know that Manta Rays have the largest brains of any fish? Give some good training for our submarine crews, don’t you think?”
“Well, yes, and I agree with you about the marine life. I view a swordfish or a shark like a mountain goat or a lion: God’s creatures that deserve to live their life and, as far as I know, there’s no culling of sharks as a necessity. So why don’t we expand the Navy’s role, or maybe make it the Coast Guard’s show? I mean, maybe make it for training purposes: see if the torpedoes and missiles work, that kind of thing.”
“I like it; so what’s the question of the day?”
“What’s your biggest concern these days?”
“It’s divided equally between the dangers of the illegal immigrants vs. the dangers of the Left Wing Loonies; like America isn’t dangerous enough with Las Vegas shootings and pressure cooker bombs. Look, remember when Eric Holder refused to prosecute Black Lives Matter? Goes to show how the Obama/Hillary attempted overthrow of our government was so widespread. Be funny how the idiots on The View and Morning Joe try and spin it. Look, I’ve got to get to work. Bye.”
“Goodbye; never got her name; too bad. Well, folks, it’s that time for me, on behalf of the crew, to wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Another great show. Burger time: my treat.”
“Nobody In His Right Mind Would’ve Left Her” (2:52)