“THE TRUTH GIZMO”
by OPOVV, ©2017
(Dec. 16, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the show that’s sure to open your eyes to what’s happening. Hello, my name is Roving and I’ll be your host for this evening’s program. As you can see, we’re back on our corner across the street from the railroad station interviewing just regular people going about their day. Excuse me, sir, care to be on television?”
“Oh, it’s Roving; how you doing?”
“Fine; thanks for asking. What’s your name and what do you do for a living?”
“Name is Frank, Roving, and I’m an inventor.”
“Wow, that’s neat; never had an inventor before. Excuse us while we break for a commercial.”
“Cherokee War Dance” (1:18)
“We’re back. So what are some of your inventions?”
“Well, I invented the ‘Dog Walker Vacuum,’ the ‘Laser Parker’ and the ‘Gotta Tell the Truth Gizmo,’ to name a few.”
“I think we can figure out the first two, but do you mind explaining the last one, the ‘Gizmo?’”
“Not at all. Look, I got one with me; see? About the size of a pack of cigarettes; I ought to know ‘cause I used to smoke but quit 20 years ago. Anyway, what do you say we test it?”
“I was about to ask you the same thing.”
“Alright: I’ll ask you a question and you lie, okay?”
“Ask away.”
“Did Obama ever show a for-real BIRTH CERTIFICATE?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, my, look, you’ve lit the gizmo up. See this red light? Means you lied. And see all these other lights? You have ten rows, three across: red, yellow and green.”
“So what’s the yellow light all about?”
“When a person isn’t sure; waffling; on-the-fence. The yellow light registers whenever a politician opens his mouth.”
“And the ten rows?”
“It can read up to ten sentences in a row.”
“Let me ask you this: can it read off a radio or a television?”
“No, I’m sorry to say: it only reads in person. I’m trying to get on ‘Morning Joe’ and ask them if they believe that Obama was properly vetted; that Obama was a legitimate president; and, just for fun, ask them if they’re really happy about their investments since Trump became their president.”
“What about the Talking Dog; would it work then?”
“Let’s find out; isn’t that them across the street?”
“You’re right. Hey, Taking Dog, over here!”
“Hi, everyone, and the dog says the same.”
“Everybody: this is Frank with his ‘Truth Gizmo.’ He can detect if a person is lying or not.”
“And you want to test it on the dog?”
“That’s right.”
“Go ahead, after this commercial, please.”
“Big Iron” (4:08)
“Due to the FBI allowing Obama to be on the ballot in the presidential election in 2008, we have all the problems with Hillary, Uranium One, Benghazi, Obama and the ‘Stimulus Money,’ and the Deep State: do you agree?”
“The dog says ‘yes.’”
“See? Green light: the dog is telling the truth.”
“So, what are your chances of ever getting on ‘Morning Joe?’”
“Never happen, would it?”
“No, I suppose not. So, do you have it patented or anything?”
“No way. If I get a patent I would have to divulge how it works, and if I did that, the government could figure out how to jam it, or something along those lines. Will I mass-produce it, sell it and make millions? No, and I thought long and hard about it. Think of the guys who are looking for a wife: do you love me or do you love my money so you can stay at home and not have to drive to work?”
“I understand and, I’m sorry, but our time has expired and so, on behalf of the crew, I’d like to wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Neat gizmo; wish I had one of those a few years ago. Burger time: my treat.”
“Layla” (7:05)