by OPOVV, ©2017

(Sep. 11, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the ever-exciting news show that reminds one of when Art Linkletter interviewed little kids: every answer was a total surprise. What we do is hang out under the awning on the corner across the street from the railroad station and ask unsuspecting passersby the question of the day. Excuse me, sir, Roving Reporter for ‘Pulse’; care to answer a question for us?”

“Sure, why not? I still haven’t made up my mind between the Egyptian Museum* and the Art Institute*, but I’ll probably end up watching the trains go around and around. I get a kick out of the little kids’ faces when they see that magnificent layout for the first time. Watch the show, by the way.”

“Thanks. Today’s question is: it’s 9-11, so how should we remember it?”

“That’s an easy question; why didn’t you ask me something a lot harder? I think, on every anniversary of 9-11, we should indiscriminately bomb some Saudi Arabian village with a population somewhere around 2,000 and then, in the afternoon, have parades in all of our towns and cities on live TV.”

“You know, you surprised me. That was a great answer; just wish I had thought of it.”

“Excuse me, but here’s my train.”

“Have you decided yet?”

“If you’re here tomorrow I’ll let you know, but I think I’m leaning towards the model ships and the train. So long.”

“Who’s next? Young lady, care to be interviewed on ‘Pulse?’”

“Oh, for sure; hello. Is that talking dog around?”

“Matter of fact, she is. But what I would like to know is what concerns you on this day of remembrance?”

“You want me to sugarcoat it or do you want me to tell the truth, the same way Michelle Malkin does? Did you happen to catch her talking about DACA*** on FOX?

“Or maybe I’ll comment on the good job the DHS is doing finding homes for the Muslims invading our country, that and Social Security Disability payments; free medical and dental; Food Stamps; not to mention the government picking up the tab on water and electric. We wouldn’t want to be accused of, what, having a brain? And here’s my train, so got to run. Bye.”

“I’m sorry but I’ve got to sell some stuff.” Interlude/commercial break. “June Night” 2:57

“Alright. Our producer has just told me that we’re going to transfer the program to the university’s observatory outside of town where Mr. Turtle will act as your host. I’ll see you at the end of the show.”

‘Thank you, Roving. Hello, my Cherokee name is Turtle who Sits on Rock in Moonlight and I’ll be your host. This is a breaking news story, or it would be if it were true, but let’s pretend that it is true and see what gives. Standing with me is Eric, who is part of the SETI team here at the observatory with some startling news. Tell the folks what you recorded this afternoon, Eric.”

“I’ll do better than that; I’ll play it back for you:

“Zyklon, calling base.”

“Base here. Give your report.”

“Earthlings playing game called “Catch the Jihadists.” But it’s all very strange.”

“How’s that?”

“There are two game clocks involved.”

“Please explain.”

“The ‘Catch-the-Jihadists’ game clock reads down to three decimal points; down to 1/1000 of a second, whereas the ‘Muslims-who-don’t-want-to-be-caught’ clock goes down to years.”

“Please elaborate.”

“The ‘Catch the Jihadists’ are in a hurry, whereas the ‘Muslims Who don’t want to be Caught’ are in no hurry. After all, they’ve been at this Jihad business for 1,400 years.”

“I see. Who wins?”

“It’s ‘Haste vs. Patience.’”

“Excellent report. Base signing off.”

“Zyklon signing off.”

“Wow, that was sure interesting. Turning the show back over to Roving.”

“Thank you, Mr. Turtle. Unfortunately, our time has expired so, on behalf of the crew, let me wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Do you think that SETI message was for real? I would like to expound on justice for looters, but I’ll save it for another time. Hey, good show. Burger time: my treat.”

[*Egyptian Museum: Just think of it, if Sharia Law supplants the Constitution, the Muslims will have a field day with sledgehammers at the museum.]

[**Art Institute: Just think of it, if Sharia Law supplants the Constitution, the Muslims will knife and burn all of the paintings.]

[***DACA: The American people elected Trump to deport illegal immigrants; their children; fathers and mothers; aunts and uncles; grandparents; friends; kids of friends; aunts and uncles of friends; and grandparents of friends.]

Time is on My Side



Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.