ARE LYING NEWS NETWORKS COMMITTING A CRIME?
by OPOVV , ©2017
(Jun. 28, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the ever-popular television news show, ‘The Pulse of the Nation’. If you’re a new viewer, my name is Roving Reporter and we’re glad to have you, and if you’re reading a transcript of the show on the political blog The Post & Email News, glad to have you, too. As you can see, we’re back on our favorite corner across the street from the railroad station in a suburb of our great city, or what used to be a great city but ever since it became one of those sanctuary cities maybe we’re not so great after all. But you’re not watching this show to hear me spew or reading this to learn what I’m thinking; you’re here to learn what your neighbors are thinking, so what do you say we get right down to it? Who’s first? Oh, look, it’s that Vietnam Veteran with his Talking Dog. Hey, how you two doin’?”
“The dog says we are doing fine, thank you. But she has a bone to pick with you. The other day, when Chief New Leaf was talking about the Indian Way, there was a better song to play at the end of the show. You should’ve played John Prine’s ‘Paradise.‘ Who picks the songs, anyway?”
“Cheryl, our secretary, does the picking, and I, for one, think she does a pretty darn good job of it. We’ve never had any complaints. So what are you two up to today?”
“The dog says we’re going to the art museum and then we’re going to visit that World War II submarine.”
“They allow dogs…I mean, I didn’t know they allowed dogs.”
“The dog says she’s a registered ‘Emotional Support’ animal and she helps her master – that would be me—to cope with the idiots that we run across through our daily outings, such as here talking with you. And there’s our train. Bye.”
“Goodbye and enjoy the U-Boat. Next? Oh, hello and welcome to ‘Pulse.’ What’s your take on the news from Washington?”
“Which version? The real or the fake?”
“Funny. Anyone ever tell you you’re a funny man? How about giving us a joke?”
“Joke? You want a joke? The theme song for the Obama Administration ought to be Merle Haggard’s song, ‘I‘m Going Down and Turn Myself In’’ and actually do it; how’s that for laughs?”
“That‘s actually pretty funny. Any more?”
“No. I’m going for a job interview and here’s my train. Bye.”
“Next, please. And you are?”
“I’m Heather and this is my sister, Lilac, and we’re twins.”
“And you have a dog named Tulip? Just kidding. Any complaints you’d like to air?”
“Drivers, to start. Look, get on the interstate, set the cruise control and don’t touch it. Is that too much to ask?”
“No, of course not. That, and why don’t riding lawnmowers have brakes?”
“We wouldn’t know about lawnmowers; we live in a condo.”
“You’re apartment-dwellers.”
“Condo.”
“A ‘condo’ is nothing more than an apartment owned by you or maybe someone else vs. an absentee owner who lives in, maybe, Dubai. What else bugs you two?”
“The fake news sure as heck does. Look, we work for a living and where we work the news isn’t on. We work in a department store downtown and listen to elevator music all day so when we get home and turn on the news we expect to hear the truth. We don’t have time to determine what is true and what isn’t, is what I’m saying. If we knew we’d be hearing lies we would watch a movie instead; we like the old ones from before 1950, where dialog meant something and directors directed.”
“Yes, I know exactly what you mean. Is that your train? Okay; bye. Do we have time for another one? And you are?”
“I’m Sally and we watch you whenever you’re on.”
“You and who else?”
“Well, Jake the dog; Drac the cat; and Godzilla the parakeet. I heard what those twins were saying and I agree with them. When I get home from work I want to know what happened in my country and around the world and I can’t make rational judgments based on lies, like what CNN and all the other mainstream ‘waste-my-time’ stations would get away with if I let them, and I’m not letting them, not anymore.”
“Then how do you get your news, if not by the mainstream media?”
“The 700 Club, for one; ‘Pulse,’ for another, and the internet. The days of the BIG THREE are over. And there’s our train; off to work. Nice to have talked with you.”
“And thank you for talking with us. Well, it looks like our time is up and so, on behalf of the crew, I would like to wish each and every one of those watching and to those reading the transcript of our program a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
