Roving and the Rabbit (RR)


by OPOVV, ©2017

(Apr. 19, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the show that offers the news in an innovative and entertaining (we hope) format. Hello, I’m Mr. Roving Reporter and with me here, under the awning across the street from the railroad station, is my new co-host, ‘Eleanor the Rabbit.’ By the way, what do we call you?”

“’Eleanor,’ please.”

“But you’re really not a rabbit.”

“That’s quite correct, Roving, I’m wearing a rabbit costume. I’ve joined ‘Pulse’ to bring a new and, we hope, exciting dimension to the program. I’m a reporter, just like you. ‘Eleanor’ is my professional stage name.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea. So, what, you’re going to interview the little kiddies who walk past on their way for a Choo-Choo ride to the big city?”

“That’s the plan, and look, everyone:  here’s our first customer. Hello, young man, and where you off to today?”

“Rabbits don’t talk. You’re not fooling anyone; you’re a grownup in a rabbit outfit. And I know who you are: you’re Roving. You said you would have the ‘Talking Dog’ on your show.”

“I did, and if you look behind you you’ll see him.”

“Oh, wow!”

“Hello, Vietnam Vet and dog. How you doing?”

“The dog wants to know what the bunny outfit is all about?”


“Dogs chase rabbits, but, the dog says today you get a free pass.”

“You mind if the rabbit asks the kid a question? Look, kid, what about the Syrian problem?”

“You kidding, lady? Let Israel deal with the Middle East. Here’s what we do: give the Israeli Generals cart blanche over our military and give them the green light to fix the problem for good. Give them access to our subs, the whole 6th Fleet, and all the cruise missiles they want. Give them the codes to our nukes. Give them whatever they ask for whenever they ask for it. Why, you think for one minute the United States has what it takes to take the fight to the Muslims’ doorstep? I don’t think so.”

“Why not?”

“Reality; by the way, what’s your name?”

’Eleanor the Rabbit.’”

“Figures. Look, Eleanor, let’s think reality and let’s talk turkey. How many Muslims do you think the IDF has? No, don’t answer. How many Muslims do you think we have in our military? And if we attack Iran, how many microseconds would it take before the Iranians knew it? No, we JUST DON’T HAVE IT, and no amount of talking around the problem is going to fix the problem. You adults are messing up the works BIG-TIME for us kids. You’re so afraid to offend people who want to kill you it’s almost funny.”

“It’s pathetic, says the dog.”

“The dog didn’t talk; you did.”

“The dog talks through me. I’m just her mouthpiece, see?”

“Cool; I get it. So, dog, you agree with me?”

“Wholeheartedly. You bet.  And if you don’t like Israel in charge, put us dogs in charge and see how long the honor killings last and if there’s another animal cruelty incident anywhere in the world. Why can’t humans figure out stuff, is what I would like to know.”

“Well, dog, what do you think the chances are that the United States will do the right thing in the right way?”



Gen. George S. Patton led U.S. troops in the North African campaign of World War II

“Zero. What we need is an FDR who will tell a General George Marshall who will tell a General George Patton to bring us UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER. No more of this, ‘Kill the Jew and the Christian whenever Ye find them’ nonsense. And none of this, ‘No Jew between me and the sea’ nonsense, either.”

“I agree. I got some beef jerky; care for a piece?”

“Love to; thanks.”

“My first day on the job and a little kid and a dog take the show.”

“But that’s what they say: never work with children or animals.”

“I think you’re right. Hey, I just heard a horn. Here comes your train, kid. Bye.”

“Bye, everyone, and dog.”

“Bye. You know, the kid and dog are right: the United States can’t do it, can it? I remember a couple of years ago some West-Pointer was being interviewed and he said – and this is true – that they were ‘weeding out the Pattons;’ I kid you not.”

“Yes, it’s bad. So how long has Trump been in office? How long does it take to grant a pardon to LTC Terry Lakin? Three months? A year? Never?”

“People are afraid of the truth, is what it is. ‘Political Correctness’ is alive and well. We never hear of Obama’s ineligibility, do we? No more talk of BIRTH CERTIFICATES, because an American’s attention span is as long as it takes the Big Bad Wolf to blow down the Little Piggy’s straw house. We can’t – and don’t — deport those who want to kill us. You want deplorable, I’ll give you deplorable. Americans have become weak: harassing a Vet for displaying a flag, give me a break. We hire cops who never served and we’re all paying the price: a bunch who can’t think for themselves.

“And the sound-boom girl is waving, which means our time is up. And so, on behalf of the crew and my new co-host, Eleanor, I would like to wish each and every one of you, our stalwart viewers, a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Hey, great first show, Eleanor. What do you say we grab some burgers: my treat.”

Little Miss Riding Hood




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