“THE THEORY OF MONEY”
by OPOVV, ©2017
(Apr. 4, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to yet another exciting episode of ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the show that captivates as well as educates. Hello, I’m Roving Reporter and I’ll be your host for this evening’s show. We’re back at the university and with me is Professor Zorkophsky. I understand that you’ve a hit play, off-Broadway, is it not? that is the talk of the town. Care to tell us about it?”
“You can call me ‘Zork,’ Roving. All this ‘Professor’-this and ‘Doctor’-that is too confusing; let’s try and stick to the basics.”
“’Zork’ it shall be. Tell us, Zork, what’s your hit play all about?”
“Well, basically, it’s about Economics 101. I mean, it’s based upon Adam Smith’s book ‘The Wealth of Nations,’ a book that used to be required reading in all universities when I was a young man, but I suppose today is nothing more than a Comics Illustrated. I can picture it now: an entrepreneur buys a potato for 2 pence and sells it for 4 pence, and then the rest of the story-board is the different angles of the 2-pence profit.
“One frame is of the 2 pence sitting in a bank vault earning a pittance of interest; another of the same 2 pence stuffed in a mattress; and yet in another frame that 2 pence is being bet on Princes: The World’s Fastest Greyhound, Guaranteed to Win!
“We see frames of stocks and bonds, land and orange-flavored honey. We see money invested to earn yet more money. We see an everlasting stairway to the end of the rainbow. We see import and exporting companies betting on the outcome of supply and demand. Many frames are devoted to insurance companies and policies, and yet many more are devoted to government contracts, and those are the frames that have little GOLD STARS attached to them.”
“Two questions: what are the gold stars for and how do you show the frames with the gold stars in the first place?”
“The Gold Stars signify a private company that has a contract with the government to add cost overruns as a matter of course, as per contract*. And the audience follows along because the program has the facsimiles of the associated gold star frames.”
“Well, it sounds like you got it together. Let me ask you this: is there a social conscience to money?”
“No; none whatsoever: money is amoral.”
“So, since profit is the driving force, any impediment to maximizing profit is, for want of a better word, the enemy?”
“Of course, which is why the natural progression of a Democracy is downgraded to Socialism and then further downgraded to Fascism.”
“Downgraded?”
“More government controls and less personal freedoms.”
“So what’s the mechanism to prevent every country from being run by dictators, by the government controlling the means of production?”
“Education is the key and the means to back up rational thought. In other words, weapons and the fear of the populace turning against the power elite, as it was in Stalin’s, Hitler’s and Pol Pot’s time.”
“But that’s crazy: the only reason those three were disposed of was from outside forces, meaning war.”
“And that’s the point of the whole play: to expose the hypocrisy and the complete lack of economic education our citizens have. Look, the play is entertaining and, at times, quite funny; there are even a couple of songs. We’ve nothing but positive reviews; it’s making money. What more could anyone ask for?”
“Try me again on the point of the play, if that’s asking too much.”
“The play explains the theory of money. The play explains that our currency represents wealth. Look, you can’t be lugging around a couple of thousand pounds of silver to buy a car, right?”
“That would be true if our money was backed by silver or gold or even bushels of corn, but our money is only worth as much as Monopoly money: it’s fiat money: NOTHING MORE THAN PLAY MONEY.”
“Ah ah! And that’s what the underlying point of the play is all about: our intrinsic worthless money. Look, let’s say you want to sell your house. Mr. Smith offers you X amount of dollars, real dollar bills, Federal Reserve Notes while Mr. Jones arrives in a truck with real silver or gold bars; maybe he has silver certificates, which is what our money used to be. You going with Mr. Smith or Mr. Jones? Anyway, that’s what the play’s all about. The last act is a visit to Fort Knox.”
“Now that’s interesting: what do you see?”
“Sorry: got to see the play.”
“Very clever, Zork, leaving our viewers hanging. And the sound-boom girl is waving at me, which means our time is up and I’ve got to wrap it up. Thank you all for watching and so, on behalf of the crew, I’d like to wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Hey, Zork, what do you say you join us in the cafeteria for burgers: my treat.”
[*An Electric Boat Works contract (submarines) used to be referred to as an excuse to print money.]