“REMOVING THE PHOTOS”
by OPOVV, ©2017
(Mar. 15, 2017) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the show that just tells it as it is. We, like the rest of you in our city, are holed-up because of the blizzard warning, so we got out the cots and blankets and packages of MREs and stayed the night. It’s something we practice every quarter, anyway, just in case. This time there wasn’t enough water; I mean we had water, but we ran the disaster scenario as if the building lost water pressure, which it didn’t but we pretended it did. Actually, our boss requested we pretend, got it?
“Our boss said the show must go on and suggested to film it right here in our office, or at least in our building, so we don’t take the chance of being found frozen to death. So what we decided to do is what any big-game hunter would do in Africa: set up at the water hole. We’re hanging out at the water cooler and here walks up our receptionist, Cheryl. Good morning; got time to answer a couple of questions for the ‘good-of-the-cause?’”
“Oh, sure, and good morning, everyone. So, Roving, what’s the question of the day?”
“Oh, nothing much, except what’s on your mind this morning?”
“Well, I’m sorry to say, I just learned that Robert Osborne died. He was a host for TCM, as I’m sure you know, and I really liked his introductions and his little tidbits that only someone who was in with the ‘in-crowd’ would know. I’ll miss him and I’m sorry I never sent him a note saying that he was one of the reasons why I tuned in in the first place.”
“I share your sentiments exactly, Cheryl, and I’m sorry he wasn’t my next-door neighbor. Is that your phone?”
“It is. Bye.”
“And here walks up our in-house lawyer. Hey, Paul, got a minute to be on ‘Pulse?’”
“For you, Roving, any time. How can I help you?”
“What’s your take on a couple of Hillary’s aides getting paid off by the Russians?”
“Look, if you cheat, if you lie, if you make stuff up, someday it may come back and bite you. As they say, ‘Paybacks are a…’ eh, well, not something one would want. All the allegations the Democrats were making against Trump is what they were guilty of, believe it or not. The information is just starting to flow: right now it’s a trickle but I’ve a gut feeling some are going to jail when the dam bursts, and don’t be surprised if you hear the word treason bantered around. All I can say is, ‘Stay tuned.’ That’s my phone.”
“Okay, bye. Paul just answered his phone and is waving goodbye to us. And look who just woke up: it’s Lela, our evening weather expert. What’s with the snow?”
“Look: all I do is what every weather anchor does: call the National Weather Service and get their recorded updates. A curvy profile in front of a slick screen keeps our numbers up; what can I say?”
“So what’s with the snow?”
“It’s there, but not as bad as predicted for here; other places not so good. What’s for breakfast?”
“The cafeteria is open; forget those MRE’s. Hey, how about answering a question for us?”
“You mean you’re recording this? I haven’t even put on my face, you scoundrel. How’s my hair?”
“You look like a million dollars. My ex-wife looked like a million dollars all of the time.”
“You mean I look as good as her?”
“Okay, you got me. You look as good as half of her.”
“I’ll take ‘as good as $500,000’ as a compliment.”
“Good. Here’s the question; hold on, please. Ladies and gentlemen, look who just walked in: it’s the ‘Talking Dog’ and her best friend, the Vietnam Vet. How you doin’?”
“Hey Lela, Roving and crew. How you all doin’? Snow’s not so bad but it’s cold. The dog wanted to be interviewed so here we are.”
“And we’re glad to have you. We were about to ask Lela what’s wrong with the VA.”
“I’m sorry; didn’t mean to interrupt. The dog says to go right on ahead.”
“Thanks, dog.”
“This is how I see it: the VA is kind-of like the Federal Reserve Bank* in that its name doesn’t reflect the reality. You see, the Federal Reserve is a private bank, it’s not owned by the government. The only connection the Fed has with the government is the contract for the next 90+ years; almost another hundred years for them to fleece us.
“The VA, on the other hand, is owned by the government but run by civilians. These VA employees are your everyday county employees: the old joke of ‘How many does it take to change a light bulb?’ people. Okay, let’s say 10% are very good people, but the rest, the leftover 90%, are worthless, okay?”
“Oh, I agree. Go on.”
“Veterans are still committing suicide at an alarming rate, much more than civilians. The wait-time at the hospitals is still about the same and everything else is just about as bad, maybe worse. Oh, now? Excuse me, please, but I have to do a weather update. Bye.”
“What do you think, Mr. Vietnam Vet?”
“I’m too wired to answer at this time so I’ll let the dog do the talking.”
“You mean the dog’s going to talk on TV?”
“What, you nuts? No, the dog doesn’t talk. What happens is the dog talks to me through telepathy and I’m just the mouthpiece, see?”
“Yes, yes. I see. Everyone is calm, isn’t that right?”
“What are you nervous about? The dog talks to me all of the time. Now, we were talking about the VA and how lousy it’s run. The VA is so bad that they’re removing the photos of our president and his VP. Now listen and listen good: I have grades of upset-ness, with sleeping being total acceptance and howling becoming unglued, and this removing Trump’s photo from a VA wall got me howling, followed by a growl with teeth showing; back hairs bristling; claws extended; tail tucked in to full fighting stance. And that’s where I am, right now.”
“But you look calm and peaceful.”
“I was an apartment manager at one time in my life. My wife was cheating on me and everyone knew it but me. I heard the old saying, ‘The husband is last to know’ but I never thought it would apply to me, but it did. When I found out I didn’t make a scene and yell and become unglued: I gave her my two-weeks’ notice. I just said, ‘I’m leaving in two weeks, and I did.”
“She ever ask why?”
“No, matter of fact, she didn’t. She must’ve realized that I finally put 2 and 2 together. It’s like what’s happening with the VA. As long as you have the same ‘Don’t give a damn, you can’t fire me’ employees, nothing’s going to change. Nothing. As long as you give precedence to union contracts over dead Veterans, nothing will ever change.
“I’d give ALL the civilians who are now employed by the VA their two-week notice and replace them with our thousands of out-of-work Veterans, okay? Maybe not all at once, but certainly by the end of the year, so when 2018 rolls around every VA facility will be serviced by 100% Veterans. And that’s all I have to say on the subject at this time. Thank you for letting me have my say.”
“Why, you’re more than welcome. And thank you for braving the weather to stop on by.”
“The dog says, ‘Glad to do it. Anytime. You wouldn’t, by any chance, have a bowl of water handy?”
“Oh, Cheryl, would you mind?”
“Oh, my, speaking for the dog, thank you.”
“You’re welcome, both of you.”
“And would you just look at the time. This is your Roving Reporter thinking you for watching and so, on behalf of the crew and staff holed-up in headquarters, I like to wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Hey, pretty good show. Did any of you catch Rachel Maddow making a complete fool of herself last night, when she revealed Trump’s tax returns? I haven’t had such a good laugh since the night of the election. Turns out Trump is more honest than he said he was. Hey, the cafeteria is open so let’s go on down; you, too, Cheryl, and Mr. Vietnam Vet – bring the dog, and what do you say we grab some burgers: my treat.”
[*Federal Reserve Bank needs to be audited; is partly responsible for our National Debt; and, while we’re at it, let’s have an audit of the so-called Stimulus Money — every red cent of it.]
