by OPOVV, ©2016

(Oct. 22, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to yet another installment of ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the favorite show that tells it like it is. With me here is retired General Mark Dyes who, as you may remember, was the hero of Afghanistan after he called in the massive cluster bomb attack on suspected enemy positions.”

”Eh, excuse me, please, but there was no ‘suspected’ about those positions. The enemy was there, and we’ve all seen the news footage of the thousands of charred and minced bodies.”

“Yes, along with every other living thing in the area, including many civilians: women and children.”

”What’s your point? Wait: I don’t care what your point is. All I know is that when I started to go after that column of the Taliban I had 415 troops under my command and when the fighting was all over I still had 415 troops.”

“Fighting? What fighting? All you did was chase them into a canyon and then call in the air attack. Why, your troops didn’t even fire once, isn’t that right?”

“Right you are, and isn’t it great? The lowest estimate is that we killed somewhere around 3,000 of the cowards.”

“You mean battle-hardened Muslim soldiers.”

“No, I mean Muslim cowards, which is redundant and I apologize for that. Look, flying planes into buildings is a coward’s way of fighting; ‘honor killing’ is a coward’s way of dealing with imagined slights of misplaced pride, among other make-believe reasons to boost one’s fantasy status among easily-led and gullible people; and accusations of blasphemy are nothing but a sorry excuse to bolster one’s self-worth by meaningless means: the forbidden exercise of any constructive criticism of Islam automatically regulates the political philosophy to the dustbins of failed attempts at a successful model of government.

“I was forced into early retirement for doing my job: killing Muslims. I have spent the last three years as a border consultant and have made my recommendations public whenever given the chance.”

‘Well, General, here’s another chance. Take it away.”

“Deport. Send them back the way they came in, if that’s what it takes.”

“And who do we deport?”

“All Muslims and illegal immigrants.”

“What about breaking up families?”

“Son, tell it to the chaplain. Next question. Look: either we fix the problem or we don’t. If we fix the problem we have a country to leave to the next generation, and if we don’t fix it, goodbye America.”

“So who you going to vote for?”

“Just ask yourself one question: if you had to call someone in the middle of the night for help, would you call Trump or Hillary? If you are a Marine company and your plane went down, who would you call? If your ship were torpedoed, who would you call? And that’s it. You’re allowed only one phone call. Make it count. Dismissed.”

“Right. I’m out, General: I served my time — went to Vietnam and found out the hard way that nobody gives a damn — but I take my Oath as seriously as I took it the day I volunteered, and that’s about the best any Vet can say.

“And that’s all the time we have for tonight, folks, so on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Hey, how about that General, giving orders? I guess once a General always a General. I ordered a group of guys to fight for their lives one night, a long time ago in a place far away, so I’ve walked the walk and, you know what? The General is right-on about who to vote for: you vote for the person who you can depend on to watch your back, that’s who. In combat, nothing else matters: you do your job to the best of your abilities and expect the others to do the same. Burger time: my treat.”



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