WHO “HAS YOUR BACK?”
by OPOVV, ©2016
(Aug. 14, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and what a show we have in store for you tonight! I’m Professor Zorkophsky filling in for Chief New Leaf who was filling in for Roving, who is taking a sabbatical traveling around the country visiting old flames, although he says he’s ‘researching a book.’ And speaking of the good chief, here he is. You see, the station received so many requests about him we thought that we’d interview him.
“And here we are, at an upscale RV park just outside of town, in the Chief’s luxurious motor home. Welcome to the show, Chief.”
“How.”
“Yes, of course: ‘How.’ Nice wheels.”
“Thank you. I know you’re dying to ask me how much I paid for it, but let me just say I bought it used from a motivated seller who couldn’t turn down a low cash offer, so I paid a lot less than I would’ve normally.
“What happened was that the husband was murdered in a campground, not one like this one, but one of the government-run ones. You know many towns have their own campgrounds, as do counties, and we already know about the campgrounds in our state and national parks: all very dangerous places.
“Why are they so dangerous, Chief?”
“Because they don’t vet or scrutinize the guests, that’s why. See; in an RV park such as this one, you have to be a member, and to qualify you have to be an American (or Canadian) citizen with a stable financial record. I mean, you have to have a track record of being a financially sound citizen besides the usual background check of any arrests. Then, and only then, will they take your money to be able to stay in a place like this. They’re all over the country so it makes it easy to travel from place to place.
“It’s a really different way of life, you know. We call it ‘Off-the-Grid,’ meaning that there’s no utility to pay for. Wait, that’s not 100% true. We pay for utilities, but there are no electric or water bills. We get our water from truck stops or from RV parks such as this one and our electric comes from the gas-powered generator or from solar panels on the roof. ‘Cash-is-king,’ as the saying goes, but nowadays it’s the old debit and credit card that we pay ‘on-line’ via the Internet. And speaking of money, I haven’t been to my bank in over a year, at least not physically.
“Actually, I rarely have any more than $40 on me at any one time. You know when I say that the ‘burgers are my treat?’ I always stop off at a bank’s ATM machine to get some cash because I never use my cards at restaurants.
“I think we’ve eaten up half of your allowance for the interview so you better ask away.”
“You’ve been on the road – ‘off-the-grid’ – for a few years now.”
“Fifteen years.”
“Right; 15 years. Anyway, you’ve traveled around and talked to people from all over. So the question is this: why would anyone with half a brain support Hillary?”
“Good question that I’ve asked a few times myself. I think it’s based on fear, and I ought to know what I’m talking about. Look, I’m not going to start preaching that we could’ve won in Vietnam, but I will say this: the Oath is only as good as the person taking it.
“I’ve had a few businesses and signed a few contracts, so I know what I’m talking about when I say that a contract is only as good as the people signing it. If a crook and a liar is one of the signatories, well, what can you expect?
“What I’m saying is that this latest brouhaha about the military lying is just more of the same from Hillary, understand? What I’m saying is that any contract with Hillary is as worthless as the paper it’s written on, okay?
“Like when the boss promises you a pay raise or a bonus and it never happens; when the wife comes home at 4:00 a.m. and says she was ‘out with friends’; or when you’re a Grunt and expect that the Joint Chiefs of Staff will watch your back but puts you out on the front lines without backup — like what Clinton did to Ambassador Stevens in Benghazi – you better learn quick that these Rules of Engagement are as meaningless as the paper they’re written on: worthless. I mean, the enemy can violate the ROE’s (as if they had any in the first place), but you can’t. Try going back in time and telling that to General George Patton.
“So the people think that Hillary lies?”
“Think it and know it. But still there are a few out there who have this warped ‘death wish’ that a lot of sufferers from PTSD have, the ‘Why did I make it back but the guy next to me didn’t?’
“Let me say this: failure is contagious; winning takes more work. Hillary is a failure: she lies; she HAS TO LIE because she’s got nothing else going for her, that’s why. Go back all the way back to Whitewater and all the dead bodies along the way and you’ll see what I mean.
“Trump, on the other hand, has nothing to lie about. I mean, I can’t say it any more plainly; nobody can. It’s impossible to compare someone who lies to someone who doesn’t. Who you going to believe when they tell you, ‘I’ll watch your back:’ Hillary or Trump?”
“And with that we’ll have to end this interview. I’d like to thank the chief for the interview. And so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Golly, Chief, you ate up all the time talking about RV’ing.”
“Sorry about that but you ought to try it sometime. You know you can rent one for a weekend or however long you want. Be a good way to see if you like it, or can handle it.
“But remember, you really got to watch your back, but you do that anyway, right? With millions of Muslims and illegal immigrants – besides our own crazies — roaming our country always carry, and don’t carry for show, if you know what I mean.
“Hey, enough of this ‘downer-talk’; let me cook-up some burgers on my outside grill. Hey, I get to say ‘My treat’: my treat.”
[*A note to Gunny G: I stand corrected, sorry.]