“THE TRUTH IS A BEAUTIFUL THING”
by OPOVV, ©2016
(Jul. 28, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the show that isn’t afraid of the truth: ‘The Pulse of the Nation.’ Hello, I’m Chief New Leaf reporting from under the awning — across the street from the railroad station — about to waylay some people to see what’s on their minds.
“Excuse me, lady, this is ‘Pulse of the Nation.’ Got a minute?”
“A few. Watch the ‘Pulse’ every night, even before you went on satellite. Okay, shoot.”
“Have any thoughts about the emails that were hacked from the DNC?”
“Besides ‘caught in the act’ and ‘made fools of,’ no.”
“And there she goes, running across the street to catch her train. Next we have a young man in a camouflage outfit. Like your tailor.”
“How, Chief.”
“How back.”
“My tailor is the United States Army. I must say, your sarcasm has improved; why, you’re almost on par with Roving. What’s the question?”
“If you were tasked to be in charge of improving our nation’s infrastructure, what would be the one thing you would implement?”
“Oh, and I thought this was going to be easy, like ‘Are you really glad Twinkies are still around?’ See, if you had asked that, I would’ve said, ‘Great question, and yes, I am very pleased that we can still buy and immensely enjoy the taste of a Twinkie.’”
“Funny. I bet you just graduated from Boot Camp and on Boot Leave. Now, would it be possible to answer the question, please?”
“Okay, okay, and I am on Boot Leave. You one smart Injun’. So, I got one choice, is that right? All right, here’s my idea: I would improve our railroads to be as good as they are in Japan and Europe. I’d like to see the old steam engines (coal burners) – with air scrubbers so as to make the EPA happy – be an integral part of the solution.
“Why? Well, for one it’ll save our roads. Listen: it’s not the number of vehicles that wears the roads and bridges; it’s the weight of the vehicles. The road in front of my house was built by the WPA in 1937 and it’s been there ever since; I mean, it hasn’t been torn up or anything. It’s on a winding road so no semi-trucks can possibly navigate it: just cars and small trucks.”
“Good answer. Thank you. And who’s next? Oh, it’s that Vietnam veteran with his talking dog. You ever take the dog into a bar and ask the bartender for a free drink?”
“Chief, I got to hand it to you. I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs, although I used to. It’s been going on 20 years and in that time I might’ve been to a couple of bars for a burger and a soft drink. So, enough of the talking dog and ask-the-bartender jokes, are we clear? I mean, I’m being really nice and calm, don’t you agree?”
“Yes. Okay, seriously, did you happen to catch Trump’s news conference this morning?”
“We did.”
“And what did you think of it?”
“Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. You know what my dog said? She said that the truth is a beautiful thing.”
“So your dog does talk.”
“Let’s get serious for a minute, Chief. My make-believe world is my own and I don’t remember sending you an engraved invitation to join me. Any more questions?”
“One. What do you think of the Democratic National Convention?”
“Not much. And here’s why: Hillary is running on the ‘Change’ ticket to ‘make things better.’ I must be missing something, but hasn’t Obama been in charge for the last two terms? I mean, if things are so bad that everything needs to be changed, then maybe the last two terms of Obama have been a failure, right? I mean if we need all of this ‘change…’
“And if Obama has been a failure, having Hillary in isn’t going to change anything, is it? I mean, whenever a Democrat supports Hillary they’re admitting to Obama’s failure; see what I mean? So if they want anything ‘changed,’ then they have to vote for Trump. And we’re off to the dog park. Goodbye, Chief, until next time.
“Hey, thanks for talking with us. Well, people, our time is up and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a good night: Goodnight.
“Hey, that wasn’t bad. We had a comment on the hacked emails, and then a suggestion to fix our dilapidated rail system, and then supporting Hillary for president doesn’t make a lick of sense.
“Good show. What do you say we grab a burger: medium rare, with cheese – I suggest an aged cheddar, maybe Black Diamond – and a freshly thick-sliced, home-grown tomato on a lightly toasted sesame seed bun; a little mayo mixed with Thousand Island; chopped grilled onions; spicy ketchup; chilled pickle: my treat.”